SMS Jokes

Sardar: All over my
body wherever i press
with my finger i have
pain. DOCTOR suggested
whole body scan.
RESULT of scan:
fractured finger…

Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said ‘Switched Off’!”
Banta : Nahi Pape, it’s my HELLO TUNE!
—————————————-
Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghus Ayaa..
Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao…!
Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!
—————————————-
Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai !
Jasmeet: Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai.
Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!
—————————————-
Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein Chalayeen Thi.
Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya ..?
—————————————-
Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde.
Banta : Kyoo Ji ?
Santa : e SpeedBbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau.
—————————————-
Phone Ki Ganti Baji.
Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon.
Jasmeet: Wo Ghar Pe Hain.
Santa : Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke…
Jasmeet: Phone Mere Liye Tha!
—————————————-
Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein Theek Ho Gaya.
Doctor : Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.
—————————————-
Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si.
Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le Aa.
—————————————-
Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai.
Santa : Kaise?
Banta : Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli ‘Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide hain’
—————————————-
A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya ..!
—————————————-
Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back.How do you control your anger?
Jasmeet: I clean the toilet bowl.
Santa : How does that help?
Jasmeet: I use your toothbrush!

Santa : Yaar Banta ! Tujhe Pata Hai, Kal Raat Mere Saath Kya Hua ? Kal Jab Raat Ko Main Akela Sunsaan Raste Se Ghar Ja Raha Tha, To Do Aadmiyo Ne Chaaku Dikha Ke Mujhe Loot Liya. Pehle To Unhone Mujhe Daraaya, Phir Dhamkaaya Aur Mera Purse, Meri Chain, Meri Ghadi Sab Lekar Champat Ho Gaye.

Banta : Ye To Bahot Bura Hua !!! Lekin Tum Apne Saath Hamesha Pistol Bhi To Rakhte Ho Na ??

Santa : Haan, Ussey Main Apne Pair Ke Socks Mein Chhupa Ke Rakhta Hu. Shukra Hai Bhagwaan Ka, Un Logo Ki Nazar Meri Pistol Par Nahi Padi.

Teacher: Translate – Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.

Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.

Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.

Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.

Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use pehchan
nahin pa raha

Why did Santa sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept.

Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya , gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.

Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga…

Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !

Pappu: Ajj madam ne 1 swaal puchhya jisda jawab sirf mainu hi pata si.
Santa: Mera biba beta, ki swaal si?
Pappu: Swaal si k blackboard kol susu kine kita hai?

Inspector to Banta: Faansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai?
Banta: Mere pair upar aur sir neeche kar k faansi de do..!

Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Don’t take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don’t take my Seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn’t say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You Appoint me
Interviewer: …….!!!!!!!

Santa: What is another difference between a mosquito and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.

Banta: When did George Washington die?
Santa: two days before his funeral.

Banta: Tell me five FEROCIOUS animals you can think of……..
Santa: 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.

Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car
in a restricted area. The Judge askd him if he had
anything to say in his defence. “They should not put
up such misleading notices”, said Banta. “It said,
FINE FOR PARKING HERE”

Santa Singh and Banta Singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other.
Santa Singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta Singh : Yes I have.
Santa Singh : Well, my father dug it.
Banta Singh : That’s nothing, have you ever heard of Dead Sea?
Santa Singh : Yes I have.
Banta Singh : Well, my father killed it.

Santa : Marriage is a
3-Ring Circus.
Banta : How.? Explain.
Santa : Simple. It comprises of Engagement Ring,
Wedding Ring and Suffering.

Santa : I Hate days like this.! A Whole day without Sunshine.!
Banta : Yeah.! But,
How come we Never
have a Whole Night
without Darkness.?

Teacher: what is d diffrence btween landline & mobile?

Santa again at his best: Landline ka number hum ungli se dial karte
hai or mobile ka anguthe se !

Banta: Y did u buy ur wife a huge diamond ring for her B’day? I
thought she wanted a car.
Santa: She did, but where in the world was I going to find a fake car?

Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.

Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: ‘Le Karle Number Note’

Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doc.
Doc: wht happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya
hai .

A man to Santa: Ur friend is kissing ur wife in ur home.
Santa rushes home and came back within half an hour n slapped the man n
said : He’s not my friend.

Santa goes to buy a underwear… On choosing one he asks: How much for
this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily waer dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

Gal to Banta: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum muje itna pyar karoge?
Banta: Kyon nahin? Mein to diwana hoon shadi-shuda aurton ka.

While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there’s nothing down here

Santa was lying
in the beach.
An American asks : Are
you Relaxing.?
Santa : I am Santa Singh.
Another American : Are
you Relaxing.?
Santa : No. I’m Santa Singh.
Santa left that place
in anger.
He then sees an American lying nearby, asks,
Are you Relaxing.?
American : Yes.
Santa gives a Slap
and says, All the people
are Searching for You
and You are Lying here.!

Tourist- Whose
Skeleton is that.?
Santa, The Guide-
Tipu’s skeleton
Tourist- What about
the smaller skeleton.?
Santa- That’s
Tipu’s Skeleton
when he was a Child