Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were guests at an English country home Ã¢â‚¬â€œ an atmosphere new and
uncomfortable to them. In addition, they were exceptionally awkward when it came to hunting; so
clumsy in fact that the Mulla narrowly missed shooting the wife of their host. When the Englishman
sputtered his rage at such dangerous ineptness, Mulla Nasrudin handed his gun to the Englishman
and said, Ã¢â‚¬ÂWELL, HERE, TAKE MY GUN; ITÃ¢â‚¬â„¢S ONLY FAIR THAT YOU HAVE A SHOT AT MY WIFE.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin and his friend, out hunting, were stopped by a game warden. The Mulla took off,
and the game warden went after him and caught him, and then the Mulla showed the warden his
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhy did you run when you had a licence?Ã¢â‚¬Â asked the warden.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂBECAUSE,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂTHE OTHER FELLOW DIDNÃ¢â‚¬â„¢T HAVE ONE.Ã¢â‚¬Â
The great specialist had just completed his medical examination of Mulla Nasrudin and told him the
fee was 25.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂThe fee is too high I ainÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t got that much.Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Mulla.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWell make it 15, then.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s still too much. I havenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t got it,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Mulla.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂAll right,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the doctor, Ã¢â‚¬Âgive me 5andbeatit.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWho has 5?Notme, Ã¢â‚¬ÂsaidtheMulla.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWell give me whatever you have, and get out,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the doctor.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂDoctor, I have nothing,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Mulla.
By this time the doctor was in a rage and said, Ã¢â‚¬ÂIf you have no money you have some nerve to call
on a specialist of my standing and my fees.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin, too, now got mad and shouted back at the doctor: Ã¢â‚¬ÂLET ME TELL YOU, DOCTOR,
WHEN MY HEALTH IS CONCERNED NOTHING IS TOO EXPENSIVE FOR ME.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin was talking in the teahouse on the lack of GOOD SAMARITAN SPIRIT in the world
today. To illustrate he recited an episode: Ã¢â‚¬ÂDuring the lunch hour I walked with a friend toward a
nearby restaurant when we saw laying on the street a helpless fellow human who had collapsed.Ã¢â‚¬Â
After a solemn pause the Mulla added, Ã¢â‚¬ÂNot only had nobody bothered to stop and help this poor
fellow, BUT ON OURWAY BACK AFTER LUNCH WE SAWHIM STILL LYING IN THE SAME SPOT.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin sitting in the street car addressed the woman standing before him: Ã¢â‚¬ÂYou must excuse
my not giving you my seat Ã¢â‚¬â€œ I am a member of The Sit Still Club.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂCertainly, Sir,Ã¢â‚¬Â the woman replied. Ã¢â‚¬ÂAnd please excuse my staring Ã¢â‚¬â€œ I belong to The Stand and
She proved it so well that Mulla Nasrudin at last got to his feet.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂI GUESS, MAÃ¢â‚¬â„¢AM,Ã¢â‚¬Â he mumbled, Ã¢â‚¬ÂI WILL RESIGN FROM MY CLUB AND JOIN YOURS.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂI am terribly worried,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Mulla Nasrudin to the psychiatrist. Ã¢â‚¬ÂMy wife thinks sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a horse.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWe should be able to cure her,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the psychiatrist Ã¢â‚¬ÂBut it will take a long time and quite a lot of
Ã¢â‚¬ÂOH, MONEY IS NO PROBLEM,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin. Ã¢â‚¬ÂSHE HAS WON SO MANY HORSE RACES.Ã¢â‚¬Â
The caravan was marching through the desert. It was hot and dry with not a drop of water anywhere.
Mulla Nasrudin fell to the ground and moaned.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the matter with him?Ã¢â‚¬Â asked the leader of the caravan.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂHe is just homesick,Ã¢â‚¬Â said NasrudinÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s companion.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂHomesick? We are all homesick,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the leader.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYES,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Mulla NasrudinÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s companion Ã¢â‚¬ÂBUT HE IS WORSE. HE OWNS A TAVERN.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla NasrudinÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s son was studying homework and said his father, Ã¢â‚¬ÂDad, what is a monologue?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂA MONOLOGUE,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂIS A CONVERSATION BEING CARRIED ON BY YOUR
MOTHER WITH ME.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin stormed out of his office and yelled, Ã¢â‚¬ÂSOMETHING HAS GOT TO BE DONE ABOUT
THOSE SIX PHONES ON MY DESK. FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO
Mulla Nasrudin was complaining to a friend.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂMy wife is a nagger,Ã¢â‚¬Â he said.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhat is she fussing about this time?Ã¢â‚¬Â his friend asked.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂNow,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Mulla, Ã¢â‚¬Âshe has begun to nag me about what I eat. This morning she asked me if I
knew how many pancakes I had eaten. I told her I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t count pancakes and she had the nerve to
tell me I had eaten 19 already.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂAnd what did you say?Ã¢â‚¬Â asked his friend.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂI didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t say anything,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin. Ã¢â‚¬ÂI WAS SO MAD, I JUST GOT UP FROM THE TABLE AND
WENT TO WORK WITHOUT MY BREAKFAST.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin had been arrested for being drunk and was being questioned at the police station.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂSo you say, you are a poet,Ã¢â‚¬Â demanded the desk sargeant.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYes, Sir,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Mulla.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not so, Sargeant,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the arresting officer.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂI SEARCHED HIM AND FOUND 500INHISPOCKET.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin was bragging about his rich friends. Ã¢â‚¬ÂI have one friend who saves five hundred
dollars a day,Ã¢â‚¬Â he said.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhat does he do, Mulla?Ã¢â‚¬Â asked a listener. Ã¢â‚¬ÂHow does he save five hundred dollars a day?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂEvery morning when he goes to work, he goes in the subway,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin. Ã¢â‚¬ÂYou know in the
subway, there is a five-hundred dollar fine if you spit, SO, HE DOESNÃ¢â‚¬â„¢T SPIT!Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin looked at the drug clerk doubtfully. Ã¢â‚¬ÂI take it for granted,Ã¢â‚¬Â he said, Ã¢â‚¬Âthat you are a
Ã¢â‚¬ÂOh, yes, SirÃ¢â‚¬Â he said.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂHave you passed all the required examinations?Ã¢â‚¬Â
asked the Mulla.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYes,Ã¢â‚¬Â he said again.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYou have never poisoned anybody by mistake, have you?Ã¢â‚¬Â the Mulla asked.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhy, no!Ã¢â‚¬Â he said.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂIN THAT CASE,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂPLEASE GIVE ME TEN CENTSÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ WORTH OF EPSOM SALTS.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin went to get a physical examination.
He was so full of alcohol that the doctor said to him,
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYou will have to come back the day after tomorrow. Any examination we might make today would
not mean anything Ã¢â‚¬â€œ thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what whisky does, you know.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYES, I KNOW,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin. Ã¢â‚¬ÂI SOMETIMES HAVE THAT TROUBLE MYSELF. I WILL DO AS
YOU SAY AND COME BACK THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW Ã¢â‚¬â€œ WHEN YOU ARE SOBER, SIR.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin had been to see the doctor. When he came home, his wife asked him: Ã¢â‚¬ÂWell, did the
doctor find out what you had?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂALMOST,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin. Ã¢â‚¬ÂI HAD 40ANDHECHARGEDME49.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin, elected to the Congress, was being interviewed by the press. One reporter asked:
Ã¢â‚¬ÂDo you feel that you have influenced public opinion, Sir?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂNO,Ã¢â‚¬Â answered Nasrudin. Ã¢â‚¬ÂPUBLIC OPINION IS SOMETHING LIKE A MULE I ONCE OWNED. IN
ORDER TO KEEP UP THE APPEARANCE OF BEING THE DRIVER, I HAD TO WATCH THE WAY
IT WAS GOING AND THEN FOLLOWED AS CLOSELY AS I COULD.Ã¢â‚¬Â
An insurance salesman had been talking for hours try-ing to sell Mulla Nasrudin on the idea of
insuring his barn. At last he seemed to have the prospect interested because he had begun to ask
Ã¢â‚¬ÂDo you mean to tell me,Ã¢â‚¬Â asked the Mulla, Ã¢â‚¬Âthat if I give you a check for
Ã¢â‚¬ÂThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s exactly right,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the salesman. Ã¢â‚¬ÂNow, you are beginning to get the idea.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂDoes it matter how the fire starts?Ã¢â‚¬Â asked the Mulla.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂOh, yes,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the salesman. Ã¢â‚¬ÂAfter each fire we made a careful investigation to make sure the fire
was started accidentally. Otherwise, we donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t pay the claim.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂHUH,Ã¢â‚¬Â grunted Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂI KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.Ã¢â‚¬Â
The blacksheep of the family had applied to his brother, Mulla Nasrudin, for a loan, which he agreed
to grant him at an interest rate of 9 per cent.
The never-do-well complained about the interest rate Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhat will our poor father say when he looks
down from his eternal home and sees one of his sons charging another son 9 per cent on a loan?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂFROM WHERE HE IS,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂIT WILL LOOK LIKE 6 PER CENT.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂMulla, how about lending me 50?Ã¢â‚¬Âaskedafriend.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂSorry,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Mulla Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂI can only let you have 25.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂBut why not the entire 50,MULLA?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂNO,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂTHAT WAY ITÃ¢â‚¬â„¢S EVEN Ã¢â‚¬â€œ EACH ONE OF US LOSES 25.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin and one of his merchant friends on their way to New York were travelling in a carriage
and chatting. Suddenly a band of armed bandits appeared and ordered them to halt.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYour money or your life,Ã¢â‚¬Â boomed the leader of the bandits.
Ã¢â‚¬â„¢Just a moment please,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Mulla Nasrudin. Ã¢â‚¬ÂI owe my friend here
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYOSEL,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂHERE IS YOUR DEBT. REMEMBER, WE ARE SQUARE NOW.Ã¢â‚¬Â