SMS Jokes

teacher: kaal kyo koni aayo re… (you were absent yesterday)
student: kutio khaygio… (dog bite me.)
teacher: dikha. (to legs)
student: dekho… (please)
teacher: ghaav ro koi nisan to koni.. (there is no hack in legs)
student: kutio “BOKLHO” ho. (dog has no teeths)

Mr. Potta or uski wife pahli bar India aye. Itifak se unhe guide bhi Mila Jamla Jatt.
Agra ki galiyo mai ghumte ghumte, Mr. Potta ko ek bhains najar ayi. Mr. Potta ek dam
herani se puchhne lage, what is this?
Jamla jatt: This is Bhains.
Mr. Potta : Bhains………! Never seen, never heard.
Jamla jatt : Oh! I…I….samjhau….., (Mrs. Potta ki taraf ishara karke) See this is
Potte ke wife, and that is Jhotte ki wife.

One haryanvi jatt order chicken in hotel……when cook start cutting onion 4 this……….
jatt said:-pyaz mat dalna navratre chal rahe hain…….

One jatt went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time jatt asks: “behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?” Girl: “Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.”

Punjabi jatt riding on buffalo
Policeman stopped him and ask
Policeman: Licence kad oye, tera chalan katu, helmet kitthe hai?
Jatt: Oye bhutni deya, thale vekh, eh four wheeler hai.

English Tuition!
Laloo goes to america for learning english.
After some days George Bush calls Rabri Devi & told her “Ae sasoora angreji nahin seekh sakat hai.”

LaLoo Jokes
What do they call French Toilet in Bihar?
La loo

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo “WAIT SIR”
for which Laloo replied “65Kgs” and moved on…

Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them
“Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas…”.
The man at the other end replies “One second sir…”
and Laloo immediately replies “Thank you” and puts the phone down.

Laloos family planning policy..
“Don’t have more than two children in one year”

At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo’s left tells the bartender, “JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE.” & the man’s companion says, “JACK DANIELS, SINGLE.”
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, “AND YOU, SIR?”
Laloo replies: “LALOO YADAV, MARRIED.”

After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a picture.
To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo.
Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper.
GUESS THE CAPTION
“Laloo, third from left”

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar.
The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, “Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan.”
Laloo was very surprised. “You Japanese are very ineficient,” he stated “Give me three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar”

A reporter asked Laloo “What is the main reason for a divorce ?”
“Marriage”

To

Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. At 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
Romeo (HR Manager

A-I’ve a Perfect Son.

B-Does he Smoke.?
A-No

B-Does he Come Home Late.?
A-No. NO.

B-Wow.! You actually have
a Perfect Son,
How Old is he.?
A- 6 Months old.!

Bush, Manmohan,
Sonia and Aishwarya
Travel in a Train..
Train goes thru’
a Tunnel and it gets completely Dark.
Suddenly there’s a
Kissing Sound and
then a Violent Slap.!
The train comes out
of the tunnel…
The Women and
Manmohan are looking perplexed…
Bush is bent over
holding his face, which
is Red from an apparent Slap…
All of them remain Diplomatic and No one
Says anything…
Sonia thinks : “These Americans are all
Crazy about Ash.
Bush must have tried
to Kiss Her”…
Ash thinks : “Bush must have tried to Kiss Me
but Kissed Sonia Instead
and got Slapped”…
Bush thought : “Damn it. Manmohan must have
tried to Kiss Ash.
She Thought it’s Me
and Slapped Me”… Manmohan’s thought : “If
this train Goes thru’
Another Tunnel
I’ll Make Another
Kissing Sound and
Slap Bush Again”…

Lady to her Friend,
“Me and my Husband
Disagree on Everything. . .
I’m Too Far to the Right
and He’s Too Far to
the Wrong.”

Munna Bhai: If a dog
without teeth bites you,
what should you do.?.

Circuit: Simple bhai,
take injection without
the needle.!.

Subj: electrical engg
People come up with peculiar or funny answers in interviews or exams:
Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C. as
compared to D.C. ?
Candidate: An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more
space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.
Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC ?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is DC. If it gets stuck, it
was AC.
Interviewer: How will you reverse direction of an induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the base, turn the motor around, and put
back the bolts.
Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)
Interviewer: How do you limit surge current within an integrated circuit?
Candidate: By using a miniature circuit breaker.
External (to student) : ” Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC to pass through
?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this —| |— , OK. DC Comes straight, like this —–
—–, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, Up DOWN and jumps right
over the capacitor!”
Examiner : “What is a step-up transformer?”
Student : “A transformer that is put on top of electric poles.”
Examiner (smiling): “And then what is a step-down transformer?”
Student (hesitantly):”Uh – A transfomer that is put in the basement or in a pit?”
Examiner (pouncing): “Then what do you call a transformer that is installed on the
ground?”
(student knows he is caught — can’t answer)
Examiner (impatiently): “Well?”
Student (triumphantly): “A stepless transformer, sir!”

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a
guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver
went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went
below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so
he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, “How the hell are you able
to stay under this deep without equipment?” The guy took the board and chalk,
erased what the diver had written, and wrote, “I’M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!”

On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg a middle-aged, white South African
Lady found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant
over to complain about her seating. “What seems to be the problem Madam?” asked
the attendant. “Can’t you see?” she said ” You’ve sat me next to a kaffir. “I can’t
possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!” “Please calm down
Madam.” the stewardess replied. “The flight is very full today, but I’ll tell you what
I’ll do-I’ll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class.”
The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention
many of the surrounding passengers).
A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers
to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self
satisfied grin: “Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I’ve spoken to
the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in
first class.” Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues … “It
is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get
special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt
that it was outrageous that someone be forced to sit next to such an obnoxious
person.” With that, she turned to the black man sitting next to the woman, and said:
“So if you’d like to get your things, sir, I have 1st class seat ready for you…” At
which point, apparently the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation
while the black guy walked up to the front of the plane.