Funny SMS & SMS Jokes

Raabert : Baas, iss aadmi ne hamaare saath gaddaree kee hai..
Ajeet : Iss kuththe ki ek haath mein titan ki ghadi aur doosre haath mein
hmt ki ghadi
pehnaado.
Raabert : Lekin baas, yeh to gaddaar hai.
Ajeet : Hum jaante hain, raabert. Isko bathaana hai ki ab yeh do ghadi ka
mehmaan hai.
Raabert : Baas, Sona kahan hai? (Where is the gold?)
Ajeet : Saara beach hamaara hai. Kahi bhee so jao raabert.
Raabert and Ajeet are escaping in a boat and suddenly there’s a hole in the boat and
water starts coming in. Raabert is anxious.
Raabert : Ab kya hoga baas…?
Ajeet : Ek aur hole kardo, Raabert…
Raabert : Ek aur hole..?!!
Ajeet : Ek hole pe ‘IN’ likh do aur doosre hole par ‘OUT’ likh do. Paani
IN mein aayega aur
OUT se baahar jaayega…
Ajeet : Is gaddaar ko shaampein mein dubaa do.
Raabert : Lekin kyon, baas?
Ajeet : ‘Shame se’ nahin to ‘Pain’ se mar jaayega…
Mona comes in with a proposal to get married
Mona : Baas, Humne Toni se shaadi karni hai
Ajeet : Mona yeh bilkul nahi ho sakta
Mona : Lekin baas, yeh kyon?
Ajeet : Mona, tumne agar Toni se shaadi ke to yahan bahut monatony ho
jaigi.
Mona goes ahead, gets married and has twin boys
Raabert : Baas, Mona ke judwa ladkae hua hai.
Ajeet : Theek hai humne inke naam bhi soch liye pehle ka Peter aur
doosra Repeater
Later, Mona has twin girls
Raabert : Baas, Mona ke judwa ladkiya hua hai.
Ajeet : Theek hai humne inke naam bhi soch liye – pehli ka Kate aur doosri
DupliKate
Raabert : Baas, mein aaj kaam pe nahin aaoonga. Mujhe stomach ache
hai.
Ajeeth : Abay bavakoof ! Har kisi ko stomach ek hi hotha hai.
Ajeeth : Raabert, is gaddhar ko is duniya se aazad kar dho. Iski
laash ko Police Estation
ke saamne phenk dho. Aur is ke side mein ek suyi bhonk dho.
Raabert : Lekin baas side mein suyi kyon ?
Ajeeth : Thake Police samjhe ki ye suyiside hai.
Raabert : Baas meri beevi ko theen ladke payida ho gaye hai. Mein
inka naam kya rakhoon
Ajeeth : Phele ka naam Peter rakho, dusre ka naam Repeater rakho
aur theesre ka naam
Chin Chin Choo rakhko.
Raabert : Lekin baas thesre ka naam Chin Chin Choo kyon ?
Ajeeth : Are bevakoof, woh isliye ke duniya mein har theesra
bachha Chinese hotha hai.
Mickey Mouse : Ajit, Muzhe Ramayan padhnee hai.
Ajeet : Raabert, isse wall peh chipka do
Raabert : yeh kyon baas?
Ajeet : Taaki yeh waal-mickey kehlaygaa aur usse Ramayan apne aap
samazh me
ayegee!
Scene: Ajit murders a man.
Ajeet : Raabert, Is aadmi ko Hero Honda ki tank mein dal do.
Raabert : kyon baas?
Ajeet : Fill it,shut it,forget it!
Boss : Raabert!
Rab : Yes, bass?
Boss : Yeh “bus” mei kuch hawa daal do.
Rab : Lekin, kyon bass?
Boss : Yeh bus “Airbus” ban jayega.
Robert : boss, China se Mr. Hu aayee hain.
Ajit : Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasaayenge.
Scene: Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona da..arrling’s typing.
Ajeet : Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Raabert : Magar kyoon baas?
Ajeet : Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.
Ajeet : Raabert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger
starrt kar do.
Raabert : Lekin kyoon, baas?
Ajeet : Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.
Ajeet : Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Raabert : Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.
Ajeet : Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone
milana.
Raabert : Yes Boss.
Ajeet: : (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa
hamare kabze mein
hai …….
Scene: Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.
Ajeet eter, time bomb le aao aur is saale ko usse bandh do.Timer ko teek das bajhe
set kar do. Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez hamesha late karta hai. Iska mauth
bhi late hona chahiye.
Timer ko panch minute late rakh do. Arre, Raabert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly fellow,
time bomb ko yahan peh math rakho, yeh to ‘no-smoking’ area hai. Ha haa ha. Time
bomb ‘tic tic tic tic’ karke bajega. Aur iska dil ‘tup tup tup’ karke dhatakega. Tum
agar paas me khade hoge to tumko ‘tic tup tic tup tic tup’ suanaai dega”
Ajeet : Rabert! isko eraser se maar do, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit bhi
jayega
Raabert : Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jahyahda pasand hein
boss?
Ajeet : Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona
Peter : Boss? Sona kahan hei?
Ajeet : Tum chahe jahan bhi sona, lekin mujhe to Mona darling ke saath
sona!
Scene: Ajeet spots one of his is enemies…
Ajeet : Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, who
hamara mehman
hai. Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do…phir
woh do ghadi ka
mehman ho jayega !
Scene: Ajeet is escaping with his men in a helicopter…
Ajeet : Kuch hee der mein hamara helicopter hindustan ki sarhadon ke
pare door
birmingham mein hoga. Wahaan tumhe ek kaale rang ki sioorlett
(cheverlett) nazar
aayegi. Wo tumhe signal degee…on..off..on..off
Raabert : Boss..hamara signal kya hoga ?
Ajeet : bewkoof…off..on..off..on…
Raabert : Boss? Is kaa kyaa kare boss?
Ajeet : Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene nahi
dega, aur
oxygen ise marne nahi dega.
Peter : Boss is saale ka kya karen ?
Ajeet : Ise microprocessor mein daal do…BIT by BIT marega !
Robert : aur boss..iska kya karen ?
Ajeet : Ise hamlet poison khilado…sochta rahega, to be or not to be!
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet : “Raabert, Ise varnish mein daal do, saala mar bhi jaayega aur
finish bhi aa jaayegi.
Bob : Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.
Ajeet : Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet : “Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo Saale ko
Society jeene
nahin degea aur security isse marne nahin degea.
Scene: Ajeet is worried about something. Robert is facing him.
Ajeet : Shanker kaal bahuth bada maal Versova beach per aane wala
hain…..
A pause….. Tum chootti le lo.
Ajeet : Raabert, is bail kaa stool test karo.
Raabert : Stool, boss ?
Ajeet : Aakhir pataa chale ki ye bullshit kya cheez hai.

Gaalib ne apni GF ko Date par bulaya,
Wo late aayi to yeh sher sunaya :
Falak se sitaron ki baraat ja rahi hai,
Dusri ka time ho gaya tu a baa rahi hai…

Munna bhai sarkit se :
yaar sarkit mujhe ek nurse se pyar ho gaya hai, love letter me kya likhu ?
Sarkit: Simple hai bhai –
Dear Sister, I LOVE YOU,
Tumhara Munna Bhai…

Jisne humko chaha use hum chah na sake,
Jisko chaha use hum pa na sake,
Yeh samajh lo Dil tutne ka khel hai,
Kisi ka toda aur apna bacha na sake…

Mere pyar ki who had puchhte hai…
Dil me kitni jagah hai yeh puchhte hai…
Chahte hai hum unhi ko kyon itna,
Iski bhi who wajah puchhte hai…

When I am: Kareeb

There is only: Khamoshi

I want to speak: Dil Se

That’s my kind of: Ishq

I want this to be: Gupt

As I always have: Darr

That I will loose you: Sajani

And that would be great: Sadma

I am your: Mr.Aashique

But sometimes bit: Deewana

Tell me: Hum Aapke Hain Kaun

As I feel : Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

In this : Duniya Dilwalon Ki

I told you: Maine Pyar Kiya

May be : Dil To Pagal Hai

Because: Jab Pyar Kisise Hota Hai

The whole world appears as: Dushman

But anyway: Pyar To Hona Hi Tha

Jay : Mausi, ladka ATOS mein kaam karta hai..
Mausi : Hai ram..!!! Aur kahin try kar raha hai kya??

Jay : kahan mausi 2 saal TCS me rahne ke baad koi Company leti kahan hai…
Mausi : Hi Raam to kya 2 saal se TCS mein hi hai..

Jay : haan socha tha 2 saal me salary hike hogi hi. Aajkal to salary bhi jyada NAHI mil rahi hai use..
Mausi : To kya salary BHI KAM milti HAI..?

Jay : Ab appraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi..
Mausi : Hai hai …!! To kya appraisal bhi nahi hota uska..?

Jay : Senior se ladhai karne ke baad appraisal mein achhi rating to nahin milti hai… Mausi..
Mausi : To kya seniors se ladhta bhi hai..?

Jay : Ab 2 saal tak onsite Jane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi kabhi anban..
Mausi : To kya AB tak ek baar bhi onsite nahi gaya ..???

Jay : Ab Outdated technology ke developer ki kismat mein to yehi likha hai mausi..
Mausi : kya kaha ladka Outdated technology mein kaam karata hai..!!!

Mausi : Kaunse college se padhai ki hai..?
Jay : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar de denge!!

Jay : To main rishta pakka samjhuna mausi???
Mausi : Beta, kan khol kar sun Le…Sagi mausi hoon basanti ki koi sauteli maa nahi Bhale hi hamaari Basanti Call Center wale Chandu se shaadi kar Le par TCS ke employee se katai nahin karegi .

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : “HIJKLMNO ! “!!

TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it’s H to O !

************ *****

TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!

TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!

************ *****

TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell “crocodile”?
PAPPU : “K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L”

TEACHER : No, that’s wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

************ *****

TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
PAPPU : I is…

TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, “I am.”
PAPPU : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

************ *****

TEACHER : “Can anybody give an example of ” COINCIDENCE?”

PAPPU : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”

************ *****

TEACHER : “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”

PAPPU : “Because George still had the axe in his hand?”

************ *****

PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

************ *****

TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !

PAPPU: Yes it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair just like that at home.

************ *****

TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?

PAPPU: No sir, I don’t have to , my mom is a good cook.

************ *****

TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as yourbrother’s. Did you copy his ?

PAPPU: No, teacher, it’s the same dog !

************ ****

TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

PAPPU: A teacher

Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time .

He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa Singh Then goes thru his certificates and then starts asking him questions.

Following is the transcript :

O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites

S : Yes Sir.

Officer started asking questions

O : Above

S : Below

O : Front

S : Back

O : Left

S : Right

O : Male

S : Female

O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)

S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)

O : Ugly…U-G-L- Y( Officer spells it)

S : Pichhly…P- I-C-H-H-L- Y( Our Santa Singh also spells it)

O : U…..G….. L …… Y…..(Officer shouts)

S : P ….. I ….. C ….. H ……. H …… L ….. Y……

Our Santa Singh also shouts)

Officer is now angry.

O : Get out

S : Come in.

O : Quiet please.

S : Talk please.

O : You are rejected.

S : I am selected …….. ……. And This is how Santa Singh got his job.