SMS Jokes

Munnabhai : Ye Circuit !! Sala apun ke desh ko kaun chala rahela hai ?
Circuit : Bhai….bole to apun ka desh to SMS chala rahela hai….
Munnabhai : Abe kya bak raha hai?
Circuit : Bhai …sahi bola apun NE…SMS bole to …Sardar Manmohan Singh !!
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Ghanta : Kal Raat ko party me Maine ek ladki ko RAPE se bachaya….
Viru : Wah bhai….par kaise??
Ghanta : Self Control yaar…Self Control !!!
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Teacher : What is MATHS?
Student : Mental Attack To Healthy Students!!
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Ghanta ki wife : Doctor NE muze na ek mahine ke liye aaraam karane ke liye kaha hai…aur kisi hill station pe jaane ke liye kaha hai….batao na darling hum kaha jayenge?
Ghanta : Kisi doosare doctor ke paas !!!
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Santa ka ek Buddha padosi accident me mar gaya…
Woh uske ghar gaya aur poocha “BODY AAGAYI KYA?”
Tabhi body lekar ambulance AA gayi…
Santa Bola “Ye Lo ! Uncle ki badi lambi umar hai !!”
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Circuit : Muzse shaadi karle
Mera bahut lambaa hai….
Girl : Kya?
Circuit : ANUBHAV…
Girl: Thik hai main tayyar hoon…
Mera bhi kaafi GEHRA hai….
Circuit : Kya?
Girl : AATMAVISHWAAS !!
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Sardarni : Pata hai …aaj 3 Dakoo aye aur meri izzat looti !
Sardar : Tumne unhe roka kyo nahi??
Sardarni: Maine bahot roka lekin woh kahne lage ….
Ab to hame jaane do …hum bahot thak gaye hai…. !!

If power supply fails in US, people check power office.

If power supply fails in JAPAN, people check fuse.

If power supply fails in INDIA, people check neighbour’s house…
sab ki gai hai na? to thik hein!

Dharmendar: ” Kutte! Kamine ! Main Tera Khoon Pee Jaonga”
Lalita Pawar: ” Chudeil! Kide pade tere …..”
Prem Chopda:” In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai”
Typical farmer ka dialogue: ” mainey is zameen ko apne khoon sey seencha hai ”
Rich father to son : ” Ek phooti kaudi nahin doonga ”
Doctor : ” Chowbees ghante tak hosh nahin aiya to ….. ”
Doctor:” I’m sorry, hum kuch nahin kar sakey”
Doctor:” Ab Sab oopar waale key haath mein hai”
” Agar Maa ka doodh piya hai to saamne aa.”
” Zyaada hoshiayari karne ki koshish maat karna”
Fathers Dialogue: ” Kya issi din ke liye tujhe paal pos ke bada kiya tha?”
Hero in Temple: “Bhagwan mainey tumse aaj tak kuch nahin maanga…..”
Most Common:” Mai gareeb hoon na , isliye ….”
The favoirite emotional blackmail: ” Tune yeh kiya to tu mere mara muh dekhegi ”
The classic : ” Thairo! Yeh shaadi nahin ho sakti !”
“Jo sheeshe ke gharon mein rehne hein, woh doosron pe paththar nahin phenkte”

PROFESSOR: Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI: Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam,
par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
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CIRCUIT: Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai.
Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI: Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT: Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI: Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT: Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.
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MAMU: Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai,
aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL: Ullu to raat ko bolta hai,
aaj din mein kaise bol pada?
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CIRCUIT: Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe.
Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI: Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT: Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.
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MAMU: Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.
MUNNA BHAI: Tamil kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU: Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.
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PROFESSOR: Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI: Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.
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MUNNA BHAI: Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT: Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI: Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT: Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.
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CIRCUIT: Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU: Nehin.
CIRCUIT: To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
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MUNNA BHAI: Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU: Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI: Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.
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MUNNA BHAI: Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?
MAMU: B.A.
MUNNA BHAI: Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?
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MAMU: Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST: Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
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CIRCUIT: Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT: Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
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PRINCIPAL: Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI: Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

Chintu Apne Dost Ko Apna Dukhda Suna Raha Tha- “Meri Bivi Pinki Ne Hamare Naye Makaan Me Apni Pasand Ka Rang Karayaa, Naya Furniture Kharida, Naye Palang, Nai Mej, Nai Kursiyaa, Naye Parde Lagaye… Aur Bhi Dhero Chije Kharid Kar Makaan Ko Sajayaa- Sanvaraa.”
“To Fir Problem Kya Hai?” Dost Ne Puchha.
“Ab Vo Mujse Talak Chahati Hai.” Chintu Ne Kaha.
“Vo Kyo?” Dost Ne Puchha.
“Kyoki Use Lagta Hai Ki Mera Huliya Ghar Ki Nai Saaj-Sajja Se Match Nahi Kar Raha.”

Chintu Neta Ji Ko Phootball Ka Final Match Dekhne Aur Inam Baantane Ke Liye Aamantrit Kiya Gaya.
Is Mauke Par Unhone Apne Bhashn Me Kaha- Jitne Wali Team Ko Trauphy Dete Hue Muje Bahut Khushi Ho Rahi Hai. Lekin Sath Hi Afsos Is Baat Ka Hai Ki Sirf Do Hi Team Final Me Pahunch Saki. Bhavishya Me Hame Yah Dhyaan Rakhna Hoga Ki Khiladiyo Ko Jyadaa Se Jyadaa Suvidhaye Di Jaye, Taki Jyada Se Jayada Team Final Me Pahunch Sake.”

Pared Se Pahale Kamaandar Ne Fauji Chintu Se Puchha- “Chintu, Tumne Aaj Dadhi Kyo Nahi Banai?”
Chintu Fauji Ne Darte-Darte Kaha- “Maine Dadhi To Banai Thi, Lekin Ek Hi Aaine Ke Saamane Ham Saat Aath Jawaan Dadhi Bana Rahe The. Lagta Hai Maine Galti Se Kisi Aur Ki Dadhi Bana Di.”

Ladka- “Tumharaa Ghar Jane Ka Kya Iradaa Hai?”
Ladki- “Tumhare Paas Kitne Rupye Hai?”
Ladka- “Lagbhag Char Sau Rupye Hai?”
Ladki- “Filhal Char-Paanch Din Tak Jaane Ka Koi Iradaa Nahi.”

Koktel Party Me Jamkar Pine Ke Baad Chintu Ji Ghar Laut Rahe The.
Raaste Me Unhone Dekha Ki Kuchh Log Sadak Par Ek Bada-Sa Gaddha Khod Rahe Hai. Chintu Ne Ladkhadaati Awaj Me Puchha- “Is Samay Yaha Aap Log Kya Kar Rahe Hai?”
“Ha Surang Bana Rahe Hai.”
“Kitna Samay Lag Jayega?”
“Paanch Chh Mahine.”
Chintu Ji Kuchh Der Tak Sochte Rahe Fir Bole- “Fir Mai Taxi Hi Le Letaa Hu.”

Santa : Yaar Banta ! Tujhe Pata Hai, Kal Raat Mere Saath Kya Hua ? Kal Jab Raat Ko Main Akela Sunsaan Raste Se Ghar Ja Raha Tha, To Do Aadmiyo Ne Chaaku Dikha Ke Mujhe Loot Liya. Pehle To Unhone Mujhe Daraaya, Phir Dhamkaaya Aur Mera Purse, Meri Chain, Meri Ghadi Sab Lekar Champat Ho Gaye.

Banta : Ye To Bahot Bura Hua !!! Lekin Tum Apne Saath Hamesha Pistol Bhi To Rakhte Ho Na ??

Santa : Haan, Ussey Main Apne Pair Ke Socks Mein Chhupa Ke Rakhta Hu. Shukra Hai Bhagwaan Ka, Un Logo Ki Nazar Meri Pistol Par Nahi Padi.

Aap itraate bahut ho dil ko behlate bahut ho,
Sochte hai apko Dinner per le jaye,
Par kya kare hamara iraada badal jaata hai,
Kyunki aap khate bahut ho…!!

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Apki ‘smile’ ne saara jahan hila diya,
Apki ‘smile’ ne saara jahan hila diya,
COMA se jaage huye mareez ko permanently sula diya.

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Ladka apni dilruba se pooch raha hai
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Ladke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai
“Abbey patli gali pakad peeche uska baap hai”

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Santa to doctor : Dr: when i sleep monkeys play football in my dream..
Dr:no problem just take this medicine before sleep.
Santa: kal se loonga aaj raat ko final hai.

Din me chain nahi,raat ko neend nahi
jee nahi lagta hai kahin
Ae Khuda kya ye pyaar hai??”
“Nahi beta sabhi exams walo ka yehi haal hai”

Taxi driver to
Sindhi passenger :
”Sir, taxi ke brakes fail
ho gaye hain
Kya karoon.?”
Sindhi passenger :
”Bhenya Charya, pehle meter band kar”.

if people say ur crazy
Be Patient.
Ur Monkey,
Be Relax.
Ur stubid,
Be coo.
But if TheySay U R Smart,(
Thapar Lagana
Aur Bolna Mazak karne Ki BE Had Hoti Hai…..