Funny SMS & SMS Jokes

What’s True Bravery?

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To arrive home..
Fully Drunk..
Late night out.

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Mom waiting with a Jhadu
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You ask: Hey Mom, abhi tak Safai kar rahi ho..!!

Hi, I’m probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s u.
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Twinkle, Twinkle little star…
bet your wondering where we are???
Well, put ur mouth up 2 the phone
& leave us a message for when we get home.
& if u can make ur message rhyme,
We’ll call u back in half the time!!!!
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True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow…

Marriages are made in heaven
then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage…

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

I wrote ur name on the sand ………… ….
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air……… ……… ………
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart……. …….
I got a HEART ATTACK

LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire….. continues with smoke……and ends in ashes…
But dont worry – we are chain smokers

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best

Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I’LL NEVER DRINK water….!!!

when i call u;
1 ring means i’m thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ………..pick d phone idiot

Teacher : four beautiful ladies are walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence .
Student : WOW !

The human brain is a most outstanding thing…….
it functions 24hrs 365 days…..
it functions right from the time you are Born….
until you fall in love

SMILE – is a language of love
SMILE – is a source to win hearts…
SMILE – creates greatness in your personality
SO….
Brush ur Teeth today onwards

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please!
Saint: I don’t have.
TT: Where do you want to go?
Saint: Lord Ram’s birth place, Ayodhya!
TT: Come, lets go!
Saint: Where?
TT: Lord Krishna’a birth place, Jail.

Default

People like YOU always remain forever

Beautiful flowers die….
Nice stories end……
Lovely songs fade…….. ..
Momeries are forgotten…
All things comes to end…..
But people like YOU always remain forever

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BECAUSE GHOSTS NEVER DIE

A man was dying of cancer.
His son asked him:
dad why do you keep on telling
everyone that your dying of AIDS.
He replied:
“So that when I die no 1 will touch Ur mom”

Dad: “When I beat you how do you control your anger??”
Tintumon:”I start cleaning the toilet”
Dad:”How does that help??”
Tintumon:”I clean it with your tooth brush”
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Best punishment to a boy:
Give him a mobile phone, with lots of balance and girls phone numbers and leave him at a place where there is no network.
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A Cat was very sad coz he didn’t have any girl friends
1 day he saw a beautiful lady cat .
He went and said 2 her
“MEOW”
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Introducing T20 format in exams
*Reduce exam time by 1hr and marks by 50
*Introduce breaks after each 15 minutes
*Give free hit marks for unexpected questions
*first 30 mins power play no supervisor in the class
*Cheer girls in every class they will dance when we take an additional sheet!!

Naughty thought for the day -
“It is really hard to wait for the right person in life. Especially when…
The wrong ones are damn attractive!!

Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it….

Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I’m falling in love.

Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated…
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate
Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. then
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack.

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God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

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Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

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The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn’t it rain on you?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue
monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)

Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. (Socrates)

A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. (Evan Esar)

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. (Milton Berle)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburettor’ . I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake’. (Henny Youngman)

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)

All marriages are mixed marriages. (Chantal Saperstein)

There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again. (Clint Eastwood)

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. (Henny Youngman)

The museum curator called today and spoke in animated tones.
He has a team of scientists who want to carbon date your bones!!
Have a great birthday
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Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
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The Old Believe Everything;
The Middle Aged Suspect Everything:
The Young Know Everything. HAPPY BIRTHDAY
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Your Birthday Is The Perfect Time
To Wish You Nothing Less
Than Favorite Memories, Plans And Dreams
That Bring You Happiness,
For Birthdays Are A Link Between
The Future And The Past,
Reminding Us To Treasure Most
Those Special Joys That Last