SMS Jokes

Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas
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When Chuck Norris crosses the street , cars look both ways.
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Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris….the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
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There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.
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The Black Eyed Peas used to be called “The Peas”… until they met Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t vote for presidents, he chooses from a list of applicants who want to be his assistant.
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One day a kid in school was asked a math question. He simply said “Chuck Norris” and the teacher said he was wrong. The teacher was never seen again.
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Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
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Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
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Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
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Chuck Norris can whistle in five different languages, including sign language
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Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
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When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
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Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
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Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
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Hitler didn’t kill himself because they were losing the war. He killed himself because Chuck Norris joined the army
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If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, even Google won’t be able to find you.

“ Tiny star shining so bright,
Its time to say Gudnite,
So close ur eyes & hold ur pillow tight,
May u have d sweetest dream tonight.. ”

“ Frnds may meet,
Frnds may scatter,
Bt if hearts r loyal,
Distances nvr matter,
Keep in touch so that our frdshp grows better.. ”

“ World’s saddest sentence said by World’s funniest person Charlie Chaplin- “I love to walk in d rain coz no one can see my tears..” ”

“ B in touch vd those who care for u,
Give ur care to those who like u,
Coz ur simple words & reactions may mean alot to them!! ”

“ Each of us represent a star in d sky,
Sometimes we shine with d rest & Sometimes we twinkle alone!
But sometimes we fall to make someone’s dreams come true!! ”

“ Frds nvr leave each other,
Frds nvr depart..
They’re thr deep in each others heart..
saying “I’m always here!” ”

“ Bells give us tinkles,
Fountains give us sprinkles,
Cying gives us wrinkles &
Smiles gives us..
()”"”()
( .’0′.)
(“)=(“)
Dimples!!!
So keep smiling ”

“ Have a nice weekend & very peaceful night..
Coz a Gud night sleep can rehab body from Fatigue & regenerate damage cells..
So have a Deep Sleep! Gudnite! ”

“ GOOD NIGHT!!!
See d moon has come to wish u a lovely night vd many dreams..
Hav a sweet niniii….
”

“ Gud frds care for each other,
Close frds understand each other.
& True frds stay forever..
Beyond words..
Beyond time..
”

“ Death is not d greatest loss in life!
D greatest loss is wen relationship dies inside us while we’re alive.. ”

“ Everyone will not get everything,
This is d way of life.
Dont try to get which is not urs,
Bt dont dare to lose wat is urs!!! ”

“ 1 stone is enough to break a glass,
1 sentence is enough to break heart,
1 second is enough to fall in love &
1 sms is enough to keep in touch.. ”

“ Heart is a special word for friendship,
Frdshp is a special word for care,
Care is a special word for U &
U r very special frd for me!!!
”

“ Wen U touch & feel, its Desire!
Wen u dont touch & still feel, its Love!
Wen u touch & dont feel, its
.
.
.
.
PARALYSIS!!! ”

“ Leave something for friend but never leave friend for something..
Coz in life, something will leave u but friends will always live with u..
GUD DAY!
”

“ Did U know wat makes some people Dearest???
Its not just d happiness u feel wen u meet them but d pain u feel wen miss them!! ”

“ Friendship needs no promises, no demands & no expectations..
It needs just 2 people..
One Cool like me &
One Best like U!! ”

“ God picked up a flower & dipped it in dew..
He lovingly touched it which turned into U..
Then He gifted U to me & Said, THIS FRD IS 4U!!! ”

“ I may have not given wat is expected from a FRIEND..
Coz I’m Human, not Perfect.. But inside this Imperfection lies a Heart dat values U & Ur Friendship alot!! ”

“ A lover makes u realise how wonderful d world is..
But its a friend who makes u realise how wonderful u r to d world..
”

“ In life, frndship is never planned, nor does it happen for a reason..
But wen frndshp is real, it becomes a plan for ur life & a reason for living.. ”

“ Age appears to be best in somethings..
Old wood best to burn,
Old books best to read..
Old wine best to drink,
& Old frnds best to keep..
”

“ A heart dies wen it is not able to share its feelings..
But a heart kills itself wen d other heart doesnt understand its feelings! ”

“ Everyone has a best frnd during each stage of Life,
But only lucky ones hav d same frnd in all stages of life..
Preserve & cherish ur frnds!!
”

“ Sacrifice is greater than love,
Character is better than beauty,
Humanity is greater than wealth,
But nothing is greater than gud relations ”

“ Silent lips may avoid many problems,
But smiling lips will solve many problems,
So always have a smile on ur face.. ”

“ Birth was not ur choice,
Death will not be ur choice,
But d way u live ur life between d 2 terminals is absolutely ur choice..
Live life king-size!!
”

“ A beautiful saying-
If ur vision is sweet, u’d like all d ppl of d world..
But if ur heart is sweet, d ppl of d world vl like u.. ”

“ The insecurity of losing our love makes us lose d frnd in them..
& the insecurity of losing d frnd makes us fall in love vd them..
Strange but true!!
”

“ If u can’t fly, Run!
If u cant run, Walk!
But watever u do keep on moving towards ur goal!!
”

“ Things we lose in life always have its own way of coming back to us at d end..
But it always happens in d most unexpected ways!!
”

“ Making relations is very simple but keeping it is very difficult..
If I fail anytime, give me grace marks & promote me coz I dont want to lose U..
”

“ Never explain urself to anyone coz 1 who likes u, doesnt need it & 1 who dislikes u wont believe it..
”

“ To walk is easy,
But to walk alone is tough,
Being missed by some1 is nice,
But missing someone is painful..
So dont miss any1 in ur life..
Stay connected!
”

“ In d game of life, its not important to hold all d gud relations..
But its important how gud u behave with d relations which u hold.. ”

“ I saw sum1 in coffee shop,
Very Attractive, Graceful, Decent, Charming..
More like a celebrity!
I went closer..
Oh God!
Ye ‘mirrors’ bhi na!!!! ”

“ A typical student (Like us)
Flips a coin & thinks..
Heads aaya to i’ll go to sleep,
Tails to i’ll watch movie..
Stands- I’ll listen to music,
Stays in air- I’ll study!
gudnite ”

“ My phone loves it wen u sms-
Its li’l face lights up..
Bursts into beep &
Has ur sweet name written all over it..
I think u should sms more often coz it likes u!!! ”

“ Life can be happier & stress-free if we remember 1 simple thought-
We can’t have all that we desire! But god will give us all that we deserve!!!

…PJ

A Scientist disconnected
his Doorbell.
Do you know why.?

Bcoz,

He wanted to Win
the No-Bell Prize..

BIGGEST Question of  the week >>>>  OBAMA has Won and  when he shifts to his  new home,  Will it still be called …..   The ” WHITE HOUSE “.?

An Engineering
Question paper…

What is the solution
for 2+2.?

Options :
A) 4
B) Four
C) IV
D) 4.0

Now you realise
Why Engineers
get arrears.?!

If time doesn’t wait for you, don’t worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a gud person is like
expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

Don’t walk as if you rule the world,
walk as if you don’t care who rules the world!
That’s called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did !!!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He’s now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles !

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahathma Gandhi
Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu di ya chacha di???

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,
when tears flows from your eyes always say these words…
Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that
90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!
Piyo Sar Utha Ke!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

Chandni raat thi,
nadi ka kinara tha,
asmaan me taro ka nazara tha,
Bihari premi ne pyar se muskarate hue Biharan premika se kaha: Ae Susma, Bidi Piyegi ?

An award winning joke in Britain:

A Chinese walks into a Bar and Saw Steven Spielberg and asked for his Autograph.

Spielberg slapped him and Said You Chinese people Bombed our Pearl Harbour.

Chinese replied, it was the Japanese who bombed and Not Us Chinese.

Chinese, Japanese, Taiwaneese you’re All the Same replied Spielberg.

Now the Chinese gave a slap and said,

You Sank The Titanic in which my Forefathers were travelling.

Spielberg said it Was the Iceberg thatSank the ship Not Me.

The chinese said Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg you’re All the Same.

1) SUCCESS isn’t a matter of being the BEST & WINNING the race;
Success is a matter of HANDLING the WORST & FINISHING the race..!

2) ABC:ALWAYS BE CAREFUL,
DEF: DONT EVER FORGET (ME),
JKLM: JUST KEEP LOVING ME,
NOPQRSTUVW: NO OTHER PERSON QUITE RIGHT SHALL TREAT U VERY WELL,
UR LOVING XYZ.

3) Getting frnd is like sunrise,it hapns daily. Getting true frnd is like
rain, it occurs yearly But getting dear frnd like U is like TSUNAMI once in a life time.

4) Alone?
I’ll be ur shadow..

Want 2cry?
Here’s my shoulder..

Need a hug?
I’embrace u tight…

Coz where ur strength ENDS,
my worth of being ur friend BEGINS…

5) I’m sending u
this Magical Rose.
It reminds me of u,
the way that it glows.
It’s been touched with a
Blessing
from Angels above.
I sent it to u
to show u my Luv

6) When my arms cant reach people who r close to my heart, I always hug them
with my prayers. May God grant u wht ur heart desires n keep u
happy..Gudnite

7) The WRONG kind of people DISLIKE U 4 the GOOD in U &
The RIGHT kind of people LIKE U KNOWING even D BAD in U..
That makes a Friendship strong..

8) As we sail through life, don’t avoid storms and rough waters, Just let it
pass. Just Sail. Always remember, Calm seas never make skillful sailors.

9) Art of living:
first of all,dont mk frndz.
if made,dont go close to thm.
if gone,dont like thm.
if liked,thn plz.. dont leave thm..
gud nyt swt drmz

10)
The Power
of GOD
within
you,
is
greater
than the
pressures
arround you.
KEEP GOING,GOD iS ALWAYS WiTH U.

Toilette pepper
A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!

ALPHABETS
I have started luving ‘U’… I know it sounds ridiculous but I can’t control my feelings 4 ‘U’. Some time later I’ll start luving more ALPHABETS.!

Dreams of a man
Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects.

Daily habit
Always start your day with a lot of S E X
S-mile
E-nergy
X-citement
so make SEX a daily habit, & u’ll always be SMILING!

New Underwear
What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah?
Wow! New Underwear.

Change ur underwear
Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome u r, it is not ur figure too… Beauty is the inner self, so change ur underwear daily.

I ever loved
Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says ‘To the only boy I ever loved’
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.

aughty mind
It’s the sweetest thing to do. Do it the bed, on a sofa, in the bathroom or anywhere! U must never stop doing it. It’s called Prayer! God bless ur naughty mind.

WARNING
WARNING: mobile phones causes radiation and it results in brain damage!
But you are safe.
It only effects people with brains!

How lucky you are, no brain no stress!

When u feel
When u feel sad….
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
“damn I am really so cute” u will overcome your sadness.
But don’t make this a habit…..
Coz liars go to hell !!!!