Funny SMS & SMS Jokes » Cool SMS Jokes

Tintumon Jokes

Rahul — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 16:30:24 +0000

Mother: why are you late ?
tintu: a dog chase me
Mother : where is the goods that you bought ?
Tintu :I throw that all to the dog But….
Mother:why dont you throw a stone to it
tintu:Yes I have thown a stone….
Mother: when ? after that what happen ?
Tintu: when I throw the stone The dog was Sleeping and After that the dog chased Me…
I have done nothing after that

Suppandi Jokes SMS

Rahul — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 07:57:56 +0000

MASTER: Now that you have earned enough money working under me i suggest you to start your own business
SUPPANDI:Yes Master!I have been thinking of it lately.
MASTER: Oh!Is it?! What kind of business did u plan?
SUPPANDI:I am planning to start a saloon in PUNJAB!!!!!
`
Suppandi’s master was a small time business man. He had told Suppandi to always try to earn a profit.
Master: Suppandi, I am expecting a washing machine from London Stores. Go and give this Rs.50 note to the shopkeeper and get the machine.
On the way back from the store, a man met Suppandi.
Man: How much did you buy that machine for?
Suppandi: Rs.50
Man: I will give you Rs.90 for it.
Suppandi thought that he was making a profit and sold it and reached home.
Master: Where is the machine? Suppandi: I sold it off on the way for Rs.90, a clear profit of Rs.40.
Master: You fool, that machine was worth Rs.9000. I was paying for it in installments.
Master: Your Fired!!!
`
Suppandi’s new master was the owner of a departmental store.
Master: Suppandi, before giving the clothes to the customers always open it and check it for defects.
That evening- Customer: One film roll please.
Master: Suppandi, what do you think you are doing? Why have you opened the film roll?
Suppandi: I was checking it for defects, master.
`
Suppandi’s master was going out.
Master: Suppandi , keep an eye on the dog.
Suppandi: Yes master, but..
Master: But What?
Suppandi: What do I do with the other eye??
`
Master: Go to the market and get a mirror so that i can see my face and shave!!
Suppandi: Yes master!!
Goes to the market and returns home without a mirror.
Master: Why didn’t you get a mirror?
Suppandi: Because in all the mirrors i could see only my face!!
`
Master: Suppandi, one of my shoes is torn, I’ll get another one from the market.
Suppandi: But you still have the other shoe master.
Master: Don’t be funny Suppandi, what good is one shoe without the other.Then one day…
Master: Suppandi, here take these two Rs.500 notes and go get 10 tube lights.
Suppandi: Yes master.
Master: Suppandi you are back so soon, where are the tube lights?
Suppandi: When I was going, one of the notes slipped from my hand and fell into the sewer, what good is the other note without the pair? So I threw that also into the sewer.

Lessons in Logic …

Rahul — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 14:49:54 +0000

If your father is a poor man,
It is your fate but,
If your father-in-law is a poor man,
it’s your stupidity.
`
I was born intelligent – Education ruined me.
`
Practice makes perfect…..
But nobody’s perfect……
So why practice?
`
If it’s true that we are here to help others,
Then what exactly are the others here for?
`
Since light travels faster than sound,
People appear bright until you hear them speak.
`
How come “abbreviated” is such a long word?
`
Money is not everything.
There’s Mastercard & Visa.
`
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
`
Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
`
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in Life.
`
The wise never marry.
And when they marry they become otherwise.
`
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
`
Never put off the work till tomorrow
What you can put off today.
`
“Your future depends on your dreams” So go to sleep
`
There should be a better way to start a day Than waking up every morning
`
“Hard work never killed anybody”
But why take the risk
`
“Work fascinates me”
I can look at it for hours
`
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
`
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. Why learn.
`
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station….
What more can I say……..

Ticket Checker & Girls

Rahul — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:58:30 +0000

A TC in a train collects fine from girls…

he collects Rs.300 from a girl-
she was wearing sleeveless.

From 2nd girl he collects Rs. 200
she was wearing sleeveless & backless.

From 3rd girl he collects Rs. 100
she was wearing a sleeveless & backless & a skimpy mini-skirt.. .

From 4th girl he collects Rs. 0
why?

Scroll down !

:::

:::
:::

:::

Perverted dirty minds !! what r u thinking??

Scroll down !

:::

:::
:::

:::

:::
:::

:::

She had a ticket !!!

WHERE DID “LOVE” BORN ?

Rahul — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:47:19 +0000

WHERE DID “LOVE” BORN ?
Guess,
think….
Simple in CHINA !
because it has no warranty & No guarantee…

Hi today is topup day…

Rahul — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:41:35 +0000

Hi today is topup day,so topup my no if you are one of the following type of friend:

Rs10=just frnd
Rs30=nice frnd
Rs50=sweet frd
Rs121=cute frd
Rs301=gud frd
Rs501=caring frd
Rs1001=best frd (God)

This is a chance to prove ur Friendship…
Hurry up..

Laloo’s Jokes

Rahul — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 17:12:12 +0000

Dear friends ,

I am posting some jokes… please enjoy…have a big smile and if possible free laugh…(very rare!!!).

Laloo at Bar

At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo’s left tells the bartender, “JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE.”
And the man’s companion says, “JACK DANIELS, SINGLE.” The bartender approaches Lalooand asks, “AND YOU, SIR?”

Laloo replies: “LALOO YADAV, MARRIED.”

Laloo as Model

After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modelling.Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo.

Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION !! Laloo, third from left!

Laloo’s Clock

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don’t Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.

She asked, “What are all those clocks?”

Yamraj answered, “Those are lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

” “Oh,” said Rabri, “Who’s clock is that?”

That’s Gautam Buddha’s. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie.”And whose clock is that?”

That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life.”

Rabri asked, “Where’s my Laloo’s clock?”

“Laloo’s clock is in my office”, replied yamraj, “I’m using it as a ceiling fan.

Wait or Weight

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo “WAIT PLEASE” for which Laloo replied “65Kgs” and moved on…

Laloo’s Family Planning Policy

Laloos family planning policy..”DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR”

Mr. Bean Jokes SMS

Rahul — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 15:03:51 +0000

MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you’ve just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

****
WHILE IN A DRUG STORE
Mr. Bean: I’d like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn’t know the alphabet yet!!

****
QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks!

****
Friend: how many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.

****
CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it’s a horror film.I didn’t see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

****
Mr. Bean: (crying) the doctor called, Mom’s dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
After 2 minutes Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

****
MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING
Colleague: Sorry I’m late. I got stock in an elevator for 4 hrs. because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: Thats alright, me too…I got stock on the escalator for 3 hrs.

****
Spelling lesson
Mr. Bean’s Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful….is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

I am a Stupid.!!

Rahul — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:53:05 +0000

A Boy went to his
Dad’s Friend’s home
late night.
Uncle offered him to
Sleep in Baby’s room.
Boy refused coz the
Baby might Cry at Night
and went to sleep in
the lounge.
Next morning he saw a Beautiful Girl at the breakfast table.,
BOY : Who are you.?

GIRL : I am Baby and
You.??

BOY : I am a Stupid.!!

TECHNOLOGY IMPACT

Rahul — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:51:21 +0000

TECHNOLOGY IMPACT :
In the YeAr 2050,
FAther Angrily to
His LKG Kid – “I Told you
a Hundred Times,
You Were Only BORN,
Not DOWNLOADED.”

Keep Smiling..

Rahul — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 17:20:40 +0000

A Rice Cooker slips
from the 10th floor
But is not
damaged

Can you guess why.?

Bcoz its a
‘Butterfly’ Cooker..
NO..NO. Don’t Cry ..
Keep Smiling..

Senior Citizen.!

Rahul — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 17:00:53 +0000

Two Patients Limp into Different Clinics with
the Same Complaint.
The First is examined in
an hour, X-rayed same day, booked for Surgery
Next day.
The Second sees
Family Doctor after
waiting 3 Weeks for
an appointment,
then waits 8 Weeks
to see a Specialist,
gets an X-ray and
finally has his surgery scheduled after 3 months.
Why the treatment
Differs for the
two patients.?
.

The First is a
Golden Retriever.
The Second is a
Senior Citizen.!

SMS Jokes

Rahul — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:35:39 +0000

Do you know the
difference between
an Itch and an Allergy.?
Ans. :
.
.
.
About Rs.250/- a visit.!

TEACHER – Pappu, do you Eat Eggs.?
PAPPU – No Sir.
TEACHER – Why.?
PAPPU- Because when
I Eat an Egg, I Only
remember my
Maths exam Marks.

Newton’s Modified Law :- Every book
Continues to be
in the state of
Rest or covered
with Dust, until
an external or
internal Exam appears.

Do you know the
Full Form of ‘COLLEGE’.? -
C – Come
O – On
L – Let’s
L – Love
E – Each
G – Girl
E – Equally……
Is that why Boys Go to College Regularly.?…

Politician to Astrologer : Swami, the Auspicious Day you had given for
Filing the
Nomination Papers
is Fine, But. . .
.
.
.

That Date is After
the Last Date. .

Alibaba & 30 Thieves

Rahul — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 18:43:55 +0000

At first, it was
Alibaba & 40 Thieves

Now

it is Alibaba & 30 Thieves
WHY?
What happened?
.
.
.
Recession Boss!!!

Alibaba has removed 10 thieves from his group…
Cost Cutting….

Election is coming, Please Do Vote…

Rahul — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 18:57:15 +0000

This is for ADULTS Only. . .
If you are
Under the Age of 18,
Please Please
Don’t read this sms..

Election is coming,
Please Do Vote.!

Subscriber is not reachable!

Rahul — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 19:24:48 +0000

Life before marriage is AIRTEL
” u can express ur self “.

During honeymoon is RELIANCE-
” Always get in Touch “.

After Honeymoon is HUTCH
” Wherever u go ur wife network follows”.

After one year Life is IDEA
” ur wife can change ur life “.

After 10 years Life is BSNL
” Subscriber is not reachable “?????????

Hospital Jokes

Rahul — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 17:15:30 +0000

Man woke up in a
hospital after serious accident.
He shouted, Doctor,
I can’t Feel My Legs.!”
Doctor replied, “I know
you Can’t – I’ve Cut off
Your Arms.!”

Why Don’t we pretend that We’re Married.?

Rahul — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 08:39:57 +0000

In a Coupe of a
Long Distance Train
a Man and a Woman who are Strangers travel.
Though Embarrassed
and Uneasy to be in
the Same room they
fall asleep.
Man in the Upper Berth
At 2 AM He gently
wakes her up saying,
Ma’am Sorry to bother
Can you reach into the closet get me a 2nd
Blanket, it’s Very Cold.
She said, I’ve a
Better Idea. Why Don’t
we pretend that We’reÂ Married.?
Wow.! Great idea, he’s excited.
She said,

Then Get Up and
Take it Yourself.!

Funny SMS

Rahul — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 17:56:46 +0000

A man bid on a Parrot
in an Auction.
He really Wanted this
bird, so he kept on
bidding.
But he kept on
getting Outbid, so
he bid Higher and Higher.
Finally, he Won the Bid.
As he was paying, he
said to the auctioneer,
“I surely hope such a
Costly Parrot Can Talk.”
“Don’t worry”, said
the Auctioneer, “He
Can Talk. Who Do you
Think Kept Bidding
Against You.?”…

Can a Kangaroo Jump Higher than the Eiffel Tower.??

Rahul — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 15:09:48 +0000

Ques. -> Can a Kangaroo Jump Higher than the
Eiffel Tower.??

Ans. : Yes, because the Eiffel Tower Can’t Jump…
Think different…

Funny Phone Answering Mesaages

Rahul — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:13:01 +0000

10. My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

8. This is not an answering machine – this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling….. And I’ll think about returning your call.

7. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So, leave a message.

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll call you soon. If you leave a “sexy” message, I’ll call sooner.

3. Hi. Now YOU say something.

2. Hi. I’m probably home; I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

1. Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right…real slow. So leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth, we’ll call you back .

Funny Riddles

Rahul — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 16:24:40 +0000

Q: If a plane crashed on the border of England and Scotland, Where would they bury the survivors?
Q: Twelve pears hanging high, twelve men passing by, each took a pear and left eleven hanging there. How can this be? How can eleven pears be left?
Q: If there’s a frog, dead in the centre of a lily-pond which is right in the middle of the pond, which side would it jump to?
Q: You’re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is, what color are the bus drivers eyes?
Q: What never gets any wetter, no matter how much it rains?
Q: A man went outside in the pouring rain with no protection, but not a hair on his head got wet…how come?
Q: David’s father has three sons : Snap, Crackle and _____ ?
Q: What has:A mouth but doesn’t eat, A bank with no money, A bed but doesn’t sleep, and Waves but has no hands?
Q: A cowboy rode to an inn on Friday. He stayed two nights and left on Friday. How could that be?
Q: If the red house is on the right side and if the blue house is on the left side where’s the white house?
A: You don’t bury survivors.A: ‘Each’ is a mans name! A: Neither, the frog is dead! A: The same as yours, you’re the bus driver.A: The sea! A: He was bald. A: DavidA: A river.A: His horse was called Friday.A: Washington DC

Female Software Programming

Rahul — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 15:17:27 +0000

Female Software Programming ( Computer Humor )

Struct female_professional s
{double styles;
Short skirts;
Long time_to_understand_ problems;float mind;
Void knowledge;
Char non_co-operative; }

Struct married_females
{double weight;
Short tempered;
Long gossip;
Float hopes;
Void word;
Char unstable;}

Struct engaged_females
{double time_on_phone;
Short attention_on_ work;
Long boast;
Float on_cloud_nine;
Void understanding;
Char edgy;}

Struct newly_married_ females
{double dinner_invitation;
Short time_at_work;
Long lunch_break;
Void bank_balance;
Char hen_pecked;}

Struct husband_wife_ professionals
{double income;
Short tempered;
Long time_no_see_ each_other;
Void love_life;
Char money_making; }

Struct beautiful_city_ girl
{double boyfriends;
Short affairs;
Long stories;
Void greymatter;
Char flirt;}

Struct old_lady
{double chin;
Short memory;
Long sighs ;
Void attention_from_ men;
Char chatterbox;}

Smart Jokes

Rahul — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 04:22:47 +0000

Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ….you have only 2 eyes but you sight every woman. Now who is Ravan?
************ ********* *******

Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without brain. Please tell them your age!
************ ********* ********

Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye? Circuit: simple bhai , bina sui ke injection lena chahiye.
************ ********* **

Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai.
Kanjoos: 10 rupaye dunga, pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta hai.
************ ********* *******

Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha.
Banta: to fir bach gaya ya mar gaya?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.
************ ********* ****

Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai….ghar ke sab khilone chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pahechan lega.
************ *********

In aptitude test…River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state.
************ ********* ****

INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.
************ ********* *******

Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha.
Baap ne puchha ‘kya kar rahe ho?’
Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
************ ********* **

Two Sardars were walking together.
1st Sardar: Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath aa rahi hain.
2nd Sardar: oye, main bhi yehi bol raha tha.
************ ********* *****

PAPAD aur JAPAD mein kya farak hai.
Khake dekho pata chal jayega.
************ ********* ******

Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.
DR: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final game.

Newton’s laws of LOVE

Rahul — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:00:10 +0000

First law:

A boy in love with a girl continues to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy continues to be in love with him, until and unless any external agent(brother or father of the girl) comes into play and breaks the legs of the boy.

Second law:

The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to his bank balance.

Third law:

The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.

Universal law:

Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, it can only be transfered from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.