Funny SMS & SMS Jokes

Some time back my wife offered me a glass of milk.
Generally i dont take milk ,but on that day she compelled me to drink it.When i asked her why she was forcing me to take milk.
She said “Today is Nag Panchami”

Here is cool Marriage shaadi SMS joke for you guys

Wife: where ‘ll you take me on our 10th anniversary?
Husband: We’ll go to African jungle safari.
Wife: Nice. And on our 25th anniversary?
Husband: I’ll bring you back.

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
`
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I’d be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.
`
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
`
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.
`
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
`
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push…!!!

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started…..
——————————————————————–
I asked my wife,
‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’
she said.
So I suggested,
‘How about the kitchen?’
And that’s when the fight started…
——————————————————————–
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
‘I’ll have the rump steak, medium rare, please.’
He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’
‘Nah, she can order for herself.’
And that’s when the fight started…..
——————————————————————-
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust’
And then the fight started..
——————————————————————–
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a set of bathroom scales.
And then the fight started…
——————————————————————–
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, ‘Do you know him?’
‘Yes,’ she sighed,
‘He’s my old boyfriend… . I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ I said,
‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…
——————————————————————–
I rear-ended a car this morning.. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it… he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
‘I AM NOT HAPPY!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’
And then the fight started…
——————————————————————–
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER:
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the Ute, making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said,
‘When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.’
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

1. I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away, then
I wrote your name on my Heart & I got Heart Attack.

2. God saw me hungry, He created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, He created light.
He saw me without problems, He created YOU.

3. Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
Once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

4. The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn’t it rain on you?

5. Roses are red, Violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo,
Don’t feel so angry
You will find me there too,
Not in cage but laughing at you…

A Male’s Dictionary
on Women -
‘We Share the Housework’- Means…
‘I Make the Messes,
She Cleans them up.’!

Ques. : What’s Common between a
Beautiful
Faithful
Brilliant
Educated,
Homely,
Understanding,
Loving WIFE
and Osama Bin Laden.?

ANS. : BOTH CANNOT
BE FOUND.

Read :
How a Drinking Problem
Can Break a Family :
Tom : Mom, I have a Drinking Problem.!
Mom (Liz) : Oh My God.!
Tom you’re Only Six.
Liz Turns to Husband Bob : This is Only your Fault
Bob : May be if
You’d Spend More time
with him.?
Liz : He sure as Hell
doesn’t need a role model like you.!
Bob : I’ve Done Nothing,
but this is what I get.?
I am Leaving you both.
Liz : I Don’t Need You
and Tom Sure doesn’t
Need You.
Oh Tom, Don’t cry.
We’ll be okay withOut Dad. Now, tell me about
Your Drinking Problem,
Dear.!
Tom : Mom.
If Joe Drinks
One Litre of Juice and
John Drinks Two,
How much did they
Both Drink.??

Ques. – If Marriages
are Made in Heaven,
then What are
made in Hell.?
Ans. – The Days
After Marriage.!

A man went to the
Police Station wishing
to speak with the Burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
.
You will get your chance
in court, said the
Police officer.
.
No, No No.! said the man.
I want to know
How he Got into the house withOut Waking my Wife. I’ve been trying for years.!