Funny SMS & SMS Jokes

Hi, I’m probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s u.
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Twinkle, Twinkle little star…
bet your wondering where we are???
Well, put ur mouth up 2 the phone
& leave us a message for when we get home.
& if u can make ur message rhyme,
We’ll call u back in half the time!!!!
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True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow…

Marriages are made in heaven
then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage…

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

I wrote ur name on the sand ………… ….
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air……… ……… ………
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart……. …….
I got a HEART ATTACK

LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire….. continues with smoke……and ends in ashes…
But dont worry – we are chain smokers

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best

Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I’LL NEVER DRINK water….!!!

when i call u;
1 ring means i’m thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ………..pick d phone idiot

Teacher : four beautiful ladies are walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence .
Student : WOW !

The human brain is a most outstanding thing…….
it functions 24hrs 365 days…..
it functions right from the time you are Born….
until you fall in love

SMILE – is a language of love
SMILE – is a source to win hearts…
SMILE – creates greatness in your personality
SO….
Brush ur Teeth today onwards

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please!
Saint: I don’t have.
TT: Where do you want to go?
Saint: Lord Ram’s birth place, Ayodhya!
TT: Come, lets go!
Saint: Where?
TT: Lord Krishna’a birth place, Jail.

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People like YOU always remain forever

Beautiful flowers die….
Nice stories end……
Lovely songs fade…….. ..
Momeries are forgotten…
All things comes to end…..
But people like YOU always remain forever

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BECAUSE GHOSTS NEVER DIE

A man was dying of cancer.
His son asked him:
dad why do you keep on telling
everyone that your dying of AIDS.
He replied:
“So that when I die no 1 will touch Ur mom”

Dad: “When I beat you how do you control your anger??”
Tintumon:”I start cleaning the toilet”
Dad:”How does that help??”
Tintumon:”I clean it with your tooth brush”
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Best punishment to a boy:
Give him a mobile phone, with lots of balance and girls phone numbers and leave him at a place where there is no network.
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A Cat was very sad coz he didn’t have any girl friends
1 day he saw a beautiful lady cat .
He went and said 2 her
“MEOW”
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Introducing T20 format in exams
*Reduce exam time by 1hr and marks by 50
*Introduce breaks after each 15 minutes
*Give free hit marks for unexpected questions
*first 30 mins power play no supervisor in the class
*Cheer girls in every class they will dance when we take an additional sheet!!

Naughty thought for the day -
“It is really hard to wait for the right person in life. Especially when…
The wrong ones are damn attractive!!

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. then
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack.

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God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

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Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

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The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn’t it rain on you?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue
monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)

Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. (Socrates)

A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. (Evan Esar)

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. (Milton Berle)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburettor’ . I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake’. (Henny Youngman)

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)

All marriages are mixed marriages. (Chantal Saperstein)

There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again. (Clint Eastwood)

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. (Henny Youngman)

The museum curator called today and spoke in animated tones.
He has a team of scientists who want to carbon date your bones!!
Have a great birthday
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Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
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The Old Believe Everything;
The Middle Aged Suspect Everything:
The Young Know Everything. HAPPY BIRTHDAY
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Your Birthday Is The Perfect Time
To Wish You Nothing Less
Than Favorite Memories, Plans And Dreams
That Bring You Happiness,
For Birthdays Are A Link Between
The Future And The Past,
Reminding Us To Treasure Most
Those Special Joys That Last

My friends bombard me with SMS messages. Sometimes they send me SMSs that are really funny. I don’t know where they get them, but they are really funny.

Do u know what does the computer
think of you when u sit in front
of it
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INTEL Inside….
IDIOT Outside

I am your girlfriend:
Smart.
Intelligent.
Sweet.
Talented.
Excllent.
Romantic.
theek kaha na ?
In short I am your S.I.S.T.E.R. :p

I want u …
To be with me In a nice Restaurent
To have candle light dinner…. &
to say those sweet three words to U….
“Pay The Bill”

Two devils came in 2 my dreams.
They said,
“We want 2 disturb some good person.”
I suggest them your name.
They said,
“We cannot disturb our boss.”

True Love is like a pillow.
U could HUG it when Ur in trouble.
U could CRY on it when Ur in pain.
U could EMBRACE it when Ur happy.
Want True Love?
Spend Rs.50 buy a Pillow.

Yaad hai ham pehle kahan milte the…… train ruki, khidki khuli, nazro se nazre mili aur aapne kahan,….. ALLAH KE NAAM PE KUCH DE DE BABA!!!!!!

You are one of the most CUTE persons in the world!! Just a second, donrsquo;t misunderstand. CUTE means: Creating Useless Troubles Everywhere..

Last night I Got a severe Head pain… I went to the Doctor … He said that It would be cured If I send a SMS TO some lunatic person… Tell me,Whom do I know other than you.?

Today, tommorow and forever there will be one heart that would always beat for you. You know Whose??? Your Own Stupid!!!

Your girlfriend is: Smart. Intelligent. Sweet. Talented. Excllent. Romantic. In short she is your S.I.S.T.E.R.

Love th is photogenic it needs darkness to develop.

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A good discussion is like a miniskirt, Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject!

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Children in backseats cause accidents, Accidents in backseats cause children!

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“Your future depends on your dreams” So go to sleep!

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There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning!

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“ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY”, So what? Who’s in a hurry?

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“Hard work never killed anybody”, But why take the risk! (I don’t want to be an exception!)

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“Work fascinates me”, I can sit and watch it for hours!

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God made relatives, Thank God we can choose our friends.

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My girlfriend ran away with my best friend and I really am sorry for him!

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God is Alive! Speak to Him!, (It’s cheaper after 9.30 p.m.!)

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When two’s company, three’s the result!

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A designer dress is like a barbed fence, It protects the premises without restrictinge view!

In larkion se dil lagana ek bhool hai

In k peeche itna bhagna fazool hai

Jis din kisi larki ne keh diya “I LOVE U”

Tou samajh jana us din APRIL FOOL hai.

Do you want to know a good way to fall in love?
Just associate all your pleasant experiences with someone,
And disassociate from all the unpleasant ones….
(Richard Bandler.)

Love is made by two people, in different kinds of solitude.
It can be in a crowd, but in an oblivious crowd….
(Louis Aragon.)

Passionate love is a quenchless thirst….
(Kahlil Gibran.)

I was waitin da nite to see da moon
It didn’t appear so i called da
Sky 2 ask where da moon is?
It told me da moon is readin ur msg:)

That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it’s that of an incoming train which will run them over.

Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was runout in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados.”Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope.”

Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.

Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

Wickets are like wives – you never know which way they will turn!

He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!

As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.

The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.

The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala…one falls and everything else falls!

Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.

You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goal keeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

One, who doesn’t throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

This was uttered after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul ‘NOT OUT’ in the second test at Port of Spain, T&T. “Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands.”

Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

The cat with gloves catches no mice.

Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.

The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason

1. What is height of Fashion?

Dhoti with a zip

2. What is height of Secrecy?

Offering blank visiting cards.

3. What is height of Activelaziness?

Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

4. What is height of Laziness?

Adopting a child.

5. What is height of Craziness?

Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

6. What is height of Forgetfulness?

Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you Saw Him / her Last.

7. What is height of Stupidity?

A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

8. What is height of Honesty?

A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

9. What is height of Suicide?

A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

10. What is height of De-hydration?

A cow giving milk powder.