Funny SMS


I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. then
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack.

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God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

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Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

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The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn’t it rain on you?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue
monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)

Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. (Socrates)

A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. (Evan Esar)

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. (Milton Berle)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburettor’ . I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake’. (Henny Youngman)

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)

All marriages are mixed marriages. (Chantal Saperstein)

There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again. (Clint Eastwood)

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. (Henny Youngman)

The museum curator called today and spoke in animated tones.
He has a team of scientists who want to carbon date your bones!!
Have a great birthday
`
Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
`
The Old Believe Everything;
The Middle Aged Suspect Everything:
The Young Know Everything. HAPPY BIRTHDAY
`
Your Birthday Is The Perfect Time
To Wish You Nothing Less
Than Favorite Memories, Plans And Dreams
That Bring You Happiness,
For Birthdays Are A Link Between
The Future And The Past,
Reminding Us To Treasure Most
Those Special Joys That Last

My friends bombard me with SMS messages. Sometimes they send me SMSs that are really funny. I don’t know where they get them, but they are really funny.

Do u know what does the computer
think of you when u sit in front
of it
.
.
.
INTEL Inside….
IDIOT Outside

I am your girlfriend:
Smart.
Intelligent.
Sweet.
Talented.
Excllent.
Romantic.
theek kaha na ?
In short I am your S.I.S.T.E.R. :p

I want u …
To be with me In a nice Restaurent
To have candle light dinner…. &
to say those sweet three words to U….
“Pay The Bill”

Two devils came in 2 my dreams.
They said,
“We want 2 disturb some good person.”
I suggest them your name.
They said,
“We cannot disturb our boss.”

True Love is like a pillow.
U could HUG it when Ur in trouble.
U could CRY on it when Ur in pain.
U could EMBRACE it when Ur happy.
Want True Love?
Spend Rs.50 buy a Pillow.

Yaad hai ham pehle kahan milte the…… train ruki, khidki khuli, nazro se nazre mili aur aapne kahan,….. ALLAH KE NAAM PE KUCH DE DE BABA!!!!!!

You are one of the most CUTE persons in the world!! Just a second, donrsquo;t misunderstand. CUTE means: Creating Useless Troubles Everywhere..

Last night I Got a severe Head pain… I went to the Doctor … He said that It would be cured If I send a SMS TO some lunatic person… Tell me,Whom do I know other than you.?

Today, tommorow and forever there will be one heart that would always beat for you. You know Whose??? Your Own Stupid!!!

Your girlfriend is: Smart. Intelligent. Sweet. Talented. Excllent. Romantic. In short she is your S.I.S.T.E.R.

Angry SMS

Love th is photogenic it needs darkness to develop.

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A good discussion is like a miniskirt, Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject!

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Children in backseats cause accidents, Accidents in backseats cause children!

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“Your future depends on your dreams” So go to sleep!

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There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning!

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“ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY”, So what? Who’s in a hurry?

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“Hard work never killed anybody”, But why take the risk! (I don’t want to be an exception!)

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“Work fascinates me”, I can sit and watch it for hours!

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God made relatives, Thank God we can choose our friends.

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My girlfriend ran away with my best friend and I really am sorry for him!

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God is Alive! Speak to Him!, (It’s cheaper after 9.30 p.m.!)

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When two’s company, three’s the result!

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A designer dress is like a barbed fence, It protects the premises without restrictinge view!

In larkion se dil lagana ek bhool hai

In k peeche itna bhagna fazool hai

Jis din kisi larki ne keh diya “I LOVE U”

Tou samajh jana us din APRIL FOOL hai.

Do you want to know a good way to fall in love?
Just associate all your pleasant experiences with someone,
And disassociate from all the unpleasant ones….
(Richard Bandler.)

Love is made by two people, in different kinds of solitude.
It can be in a crowd, but in an oblivious crowd….
(Louis Aragon.)

Passionate love is a quenchless thirst….
(Kahlil Gibran.)

I was waitin da nite to see da moon
It didn’t appear so i called da
Sky 2 ask where da moon is?
It told me da moon is readin ur msg:)

Navjot Singh Sidhu Jokes

That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it’s that of an incoming train which will run them over.

Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was runout in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados.”Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope.”

Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.

Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

Wickets are like wives – you never know which way they will turn!

He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!

As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.

The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.

The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala…one falls and everything else falls!

Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.

You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goal keeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

One, who doesn’t throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

This was uttered after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul ‘NOT OUT’ in the second test at Port of Spain, T&T. “Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands.”

Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

The cat with gloves catches no mice.

Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.

The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason

1. What is height of Fashion?

Dhoti with a zip

2. What is height of Secrecy?

Offering blank visiting cards.

3. What is height of Activelaziness?

Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

4. What is height of Laziness?

Adopting a child.

5. What is height of Craziness?

Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

6. What is height of Forgetfulness?

Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you Saw Him / her Last.

7. What is height of Stupidity?

A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

8. What is height of Honesty?

A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

9. What is height of Suicide?

A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

10. What is height of De-hydration?

A cow giving milk powder.

What is the name of Gandhiji’s son?

Ans: Dineshan

Why?????
because, Mahatma Gandhi is the father of di-neshan

Gandhiji Ahimsa mein kyu maante the???
.

.
.
.
.
.
Kyuki Dhishum Dhishum to pepsodent ka kaam hai na!! ;)

This Is To Formally announce that I have started accepting Diwali gifts by CASH, CHEQUES & CREDIT CARD etc. Avoid last day rush. Send now!

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it.

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.

If at first you don’t succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.

He who has the gold, makes the rules —- Murphy’s golden rule.

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.

Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

If you have paper, you don’t have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don’t have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.

Especially for engg. Students—-
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.

If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

# Santa visits Mysore palace. Guide: Please don’t sit there, this is Tipu Sultan’s chair. Santa: Don’t worry, I will get up when he comes.

# Q: Difference between a man buying a lottery and a man arguing with his wife? A: A man buying a lottery has a chance to win!

# Position of a husband is like a split AC. No matter how loud it is outside, but inside the house, it is designed to remain silent.

# Son: Dad did you have a love marriage with mom? Santa: Yes son. How do you know? Son: Coz of the difference of 4 months between your marriage and my date of birth.

# Life is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship, it’s not how we ‘care’ in the beginning, but how much we ‘care’ till ending.

# It was once said that a black man would be President ‘when pigs fly’. Indeed 100 days into Obama Presidency and there is Swine flu.

# Santa: My boy is growing up, he is adult and wants to go out and enjoy with sweet girlfriends. Jeeto: My boy is past that. He wants to stay indoors with sweet girlfriends.

# Santa: Doctor, when I take a bath I get wet. Doctor: Ok, next time when you are going to take a bath, turn off the tap.

# Santa got promotion from clerk to manager. He went home and told his wife in new style “You will sleep with a manager today.” Wife fell unconscious.

# Irony at it’s best. 90 people get the Swine Flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom.

# Jeeto yelled at Santa: U’re gonna be really sorry! I’m going to leave you! Santa: Make up your mind! Which one is it going to be?

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