Funny SMS & SMS Jokes

If your father is a poor man,
It is your fate but,
If your father-in-law is a poor man,
it’s your stupidity.
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I was born intelligent – Education ruined me.
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Practice makes perfect…..
But nobody’s perfect……
So why practice?
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If it’s true that we are here to help others,
Then what exactly are the others here for?
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Since light travels faster than sound,
People appear bright until you hear them speak.
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How come “abbreviated” is such a long word?
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Money is not everything.
There’s Mastercard & Visa.
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One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in Life.
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The wise never marry.
And when they marry they become otherwise.
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Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
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Never put off the work till tomorrow
What you can put off today.
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“Your future depends on your dreams” So go to sleep
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There should be a better way to start a day Than waking up every morning
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“Hard work never killed anybody”
But why take the risk
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“Work fascinates me”
I can look at it for hours
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God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
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The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. Why learn.
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A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station….
What more can I say……..

WHERE DID “LOVE” BORN ?
Guess,
think….
Simple in CHINA !
because it has no warranty & No guarantee…

Hi today is topup day,so topup my no if you are one of the following type of friend:

Rs10=just frnd
Rs30=nice frnd
Rs50=sweet frd
Rs121=cute frd
Rs301=gud frd
Rs501=caring frd
Rs1001=best frd (God)

This is a chance to prove ur Friendship…
Hurry up..

Dear friends ,

I am posting some jokes… please enjoy…have a big smile and if possible free laugh…(very rare!!!).

Laloo at Bar

At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo’s left tells the bartender, “JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE.”
And the man’s companion says, “JACK DANIELS, SINGLE.” The bartender approaches Lalooand asks, “AND YOU, SIR?”

Laloo replies: “LALOO YADAV, MARRIED.”

Laloo as Model

After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modelling.Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo.

Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION !! Laloo, third from left!

Laloo’s Clock

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don’t Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.

She asked, “What are all those clocks?”

Yamraj answered, “Those are lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

” “Oh,” said Rabri, “Who’s clock is that?”

That’s Gautam Buddha’s. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie.”And whose clock is that?”

That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life.”

Rabri asked, “Where’s my Laloo’s clock?”

“Laloo’s clock is in my office”, replied yamraj, “I’m using it as a ceiling fan.

Wait or Weight

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo “WAIT PLEASE” for which Laloo replied “65Kgs” and moved on…

Laloo’s Family Planning Policy

Laloos family planning policy..”DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR”

MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you’ve just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

****
WHILE IN A DRUG STORE
Mr. Bean: I’d like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn’t know the alphabet yet!!

****
QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks!

****
Friend: how many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.

****
CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it’s a horror film.I didn’t see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

****
Mr. Bean: (crying) the doctor called, Mom’s dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
After 2 minutes Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

****
MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING
Colleague: Sorry I’m late. I got stock in an elevator for 4 hrs. because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: Thats alright, me too…I got stock on the escalator for 3 hrs.

****
Spelling lesson
Mr. Bean’s Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful….is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

A Boy went to his
Dad’s Friend’s home
late night.
Uncle offered him to
Sleep in Baby’s room.
Boy refused coz the
Baby might Cry at Night
and went to sleep in
the lounge.
Next morning he saw a Beautiful Girl at the breakfast table.,
BOY : Who are you.?

GIRL : I am Baby and
You.??

BOY : I am a Stupid.!!

TECHNOLOGY IMPACT :
In the YeAr 2050,
FAther Angrily to
His LKG Kid – “I Told you
a Hundred Times,
You Were Only BORN,
Not DOWNLOADED.”

A Rice Cooker slips
from the 10th floor
But is not
damaged

Can you guess why.?

Bcoz its a
‘Butterfly’ Cooker..
NO..NO. Don’t Cry ..
Keep Smiling..

Two Patients Limp into Different Clinics with
the Same Complaint.
The First is examined in
an hour, X-rayed same day, booked for Surgery
Next day.
The Second sees
Family Doctor after
waiting 3 Weeks for
an appointment,
then waits 8 Weeks
to see a Specialist,
gets an X-ray and
finally has his surgery scheduled after 3 months.
Why the treatment
Differs for the
two patients.?
.

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The First is a
Golden Retriever.
The Second is a
Senior Citizen.!

Do you know the
difference between
an Itch and an Allergy.?
Ans. :
.
.
.
About Rs.250/- a visit.!

TEACHER – Pappu, do you Eat Eggs.?
PAPPU – No Sir.
TEACHER – Why.?
PAPPU- Because when
I Eat an Egg, I Only
remember my
Maths exam Marks.

Newton’s Modified Law :- Every book
Continues to be
in the state of
Rest or covered
with Dust, until
an external or
internal Exam appears.

Do you know the
Full Form of ‘COLLEGE’.? -
C – Come
O – On
L – Let’s
L – Love
E – Each
G – Girl
E – Equally……
Is that why Boys Go to College Regularly.?…

Politician to Astrologer : Swami, the Auspicious Day you had given for
Filing the
Nomination Papers
is Fine, But. . .
.
.
.

That Date is After
the Last Date. .

At first, it was
Alibaba & 40 Thieves

Now

it is Alibaba & 30 Thieves
WHY?
What happened?
.
.
.
Recession Boss!!!

Alibaba has removed 10 thieves from his group…
Cost Cutting….

This is for ADULTS Only. . .
If you are
Under the Age of 18,
Please Please
Don’t read this sms..

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Election is coming,
Please Do Vote.!

Life before marriage is AIRTEL
” u can express ur self “.

During honeymoon is RELIANCE-
” Always get in Touch “.

After Honeymoon is HUTCH
” Wherever u go ur wife network follows”.

After one year Life is IDEA
” ur wife can change ur life “.

After 10 years Life is BSNL
” Subscriber is not reachable “?????????

Man woke up in a
hospital after serious accident.
He shouted, Doctor,
I can’t Feel My Legs.!”
Doctor replied, “I know
you Can’t – I’ve Cut off
Your Arms.!”

In a Coupe of a
Long Distance Train
a Man and a Woman who are Strangers travel.
Though Embarrassed
and Uneasy to be in
the Same room they
fall asleep.
Man in the Upper Berth
At 2 AM He gently
wakes her up saying,
Ma’am Sorry to bother
Can you reach into the closet get me a 2nd
Blanket, it’s Very Cold.
She said, I’ve a
Better Idea. Why Don’t
we pretend that We’re  Married.?
Wow.! Great idea, he’s excited.
She said,

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Then Get Up and
Take it Yourself.!