Funny SMS & SMS Jokes

Cognizant Method :

Hire a lion… ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.

give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more……. and more …….

TCS method:

Hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary lion dies of hunger and frustration

IBM’s metbod:

hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour… he dies of unemployment. ..

Syntel Method:

Hire a Cat …
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion….

MBT method:

hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn’t score 60% he will lose the job.
Lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex method:

Hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion) holy cow dies in fear of the real lion.

Polaris Method:

hire ..sorry….purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings…(instead of 9 AM …change it to 8:30 AM)
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT…..

Patni method:

hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat…
the lion dies before joining….

Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day……..! !!!

Accenture Method:

*Hire a lion…. **
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL…
No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls
And say him “Go Ahead be a Tiger”.
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion……

Once upon a time

, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood

( the woodcutter and the axe )

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, ”

Is this your computer ?

” Disappointed by the Goddess’ lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, ” No.”

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said ”

No, not at all !!”

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said “Yes.”

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, “Don’t you know that you’re supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?”

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, “I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !”. So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

********

Moral: If you’re not up-to-date with technology trends, it’s better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you’re a genius than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

IT guy – (Asks worker) What do you have?
Daily Wage Construction Worker – …….stays * quite*
IT guy – I have Money, Name, Stock Options What do
you have?
Daily Wage Construction Worker – (Softly) I have work.

A sample of Kannada movies produced by Kannada Software Engineers:
• CHATsod tappa..?
• Ondu E-MAILina kathe
• A.S.P Sangilyana
• REDO raja
• UNDOnu maadida DELEToo maadida
• Muttinantha OFFER
• Naanu nanna PC
• DOLLLAR alegalu
• JAVAda Jodi
• CORBAna rani
• IT Hudugara kannu US myaage
• CHAT maadu Tamaashe Nodu
• Chalisuva BRAINugalu
• MAINFRAME Dhruvadim JAVA Dhruvaku
• Gadibidi ENGINEER
• Onde SYSTEMna MODULEgalu
• Baa Nalle Usge
• PROGRAMMERara Sawaal
• COMPANY COMPANY kathe
• Shri BILL GATES Mahime
• Bhakta SABIR Das
• INSPECTOR Narayana Murty
• Koodi CODING maadidare swarga sukha
• PMna avaantara
• Veera SYBASE Lakshman
• PMge takka PROGRAMMER
• MODEM Bazaar
• JDBC bale ( A 007 movie)
• Operation E-MAIL HACKER
• NIAGARA teeradalli
• HASIRU PATRA
• NEWJERSEY
• MICROSOFTna musuku
• JAVA nanna JAVA
• PREMJI kaanike
• LOGON Death
• Lady PROGRAMMER
• E-Preethse
• Ondanondu COLLUMNnalli
• Eradu NETWORKgalu
• PB Ganda VB Hendthi
• BUGDevathe
• MS Mallige
• Messanger Muttanna
• Abachoorina INBOX
• CHATsu Tappenilla..!
• SYSTEMge Sawaal
• HACKERana Sanchu
• SILICON swapnagalu
• Nammur IT Parke

Husband : ( Returning late form work ) “Good evening Dear, I’m now
logged in.”
Wife : Have you brought the ring ?
Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in the morn…
Husband : Erroneous syntax.
Wife : What about my new blouse ?
Husband : Variable not found …
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied …
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being
funny ?
Husband : Too many parameters. Abort!…
Wife : It was a grave mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : Default Parameter.
Wife : What about your Salary ?
Husband : Access denied. File in use…
Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?
Husband : System unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot

Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and started shouting: “Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya “.

Thakur [with anger]: “Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai.”

Kaalia: “Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?”

Thakur: “Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai.”

Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.

Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: “Ha ha… thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate.”

Veeru shouts: “Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain,Kuch bhi kar sakte hain.”

Jay hits his keyboard,then says: “jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya .”

AT GABBAR’S DEN…

Gabbar: “Kitne bugs the?”
Kaalia: “Do sarkaar.”

Gabbar: “Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega …aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi… barobar milegi.”

[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. “Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?”

Sambaa: “Chhey sarkaar.”

Gabbar: “Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai.” [logout - logout - logout].

“Haan ab theek hai… ab tera kya hoga”

Kaalia?”

Kaalia: “Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha.”
Gabbar: “To ab documentation kar!