A letter by a college student
The parents of a Northwestern student who just headed back from holiday received this letter:
Dear Mom and Dad:
Univer$ity life i$ $o wonderful! Cla$$e$ this $e$$ion are intere$ting, my cla$$mate$ are the be$t!
But after $pending all my ca$h on Chri$tma$ pre$ent$, I am in a little need for $ome $pending money for book$ and $uch. But don’t want to $end the wrong $ignal$ home.
Love
Your $on
After deliberating a while, this was the draft of their appropriate response:
Dear Son:
NOt much to NOtice here on the NOrth side of town since you left for NOrthwestern. NObody doing NOthing Noble.
Enjoyed having you home for Thanksgiving in NOvember and Christmas. NOthing is the same since you left.
Loved your NOte; write aNOther one when you have time.
Have to go NOw.
Mom & Dad
Talking clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
“What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.
“That is the talking clock”, the man replied.
“How’s it work?” the friend asked.
“Watch”, the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It’s two AM in the morning!
Blind Date
“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her 21 year old roommate.
“Terrible!” the roommate answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.”
“Wow! That’s a very expensive classic car. What’s so bad about that?”
“He was the original owner.”
Correction
Deciding to take a day off from his important job, a young hot-shot broker went back to visit some of his professors at his old school. Entering the school, he saw a dog
attacking a small child. He quickly jumped on the dog and strangled it. The next day, the local paper reported the story with the headline “Valiant Student Saves Boy From
Fearsome Dog.”
The broker called the editor of the paper and strongly suggested that a correction be issued, pointing out that he was no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker.
The following day, the paper issued a correction, with a headline that read, “Pompous Stock Broker Kills School
Mascot.”
Physics
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
“Why do we have to learn this stuff?” one young man blurted out.
“To save lives,” the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?”
The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued.
“Physics saves lives,” he said, “because it keeps certain people out of medical school.”
Exam by chance
A young student reported for a final examination that consisted of only true/false questions.
The student took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads meant true, tails meant false.
The young student finished the exam in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating it out.
Suddenly, during the last few minutes, the young student began desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely.
The moderator, alarmed, approached the student and asked what was going on.
“Well, I finished the exam in half an hour,” said the student, “but I thought I ought to recheck my answers.”
