Universal law
‘love can neither be created nor be destroyed;only it can transfer frm One girlfrnd to another girlfrnd with some loss of money”

First law
“a boy in love with girl continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy ,continue to be in love with him until or unless any external agent (brother or father of gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy;

Second law
“the rate of change of intensity of love ofa girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.

Third law
“the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping”.

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
– that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

1 0. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

4. You raise my interest rate thirty basis points without a corresponding dropoff in consumer enthusiasm.

3. Let’s raise housing starts together.

2. You stoke the animal spirits of my market.

1. Despite your decade of inflation, I still love you.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

Second Best:
Arguing with a girl is like wrestling with a pig in the mud. After some time, u realize that u r getting dirty, but the pig is actually enjoying.

Third Best SMS:
Boys go to college to develop the mind; girls go to college to catch them before this happens .

only
when
she is
again
in trouble..”

- Shakespeare

.

Its only when you
don’t try for her
sister.

Man: I’m going 2 a lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who’ll lecture at midnight?
Man: My wife…

:::::::

Banta was traveling in an auto rickshaw with his wife. The driver adjusted the mirror.
Banta shouted: You are trying to see my wife!!!! Sit back. I’ll drive..

:::::::

After robbing the bank, 1 robber to clerk : Did you see me robbing?
Clerk : Yes I saw u.
Robber killed him and asked to the next clerk : Did u?
Second Clerk : No, but my wife saw u!

:::::::

Meaning of WIFE,

Husband asks:”Do you the meaning of WIFE?
it means…….
WITHOUT INFORMATION FIGHTING EVERY TIME.”
Wife on hearing this says,”it could also mean ……
WITH IDIOT FOREVER.”

:::::::

Judge: Don’t U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don’t U have shame?

:::::::

Teacher : four beautiful ladies are walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence .
Student : WOW !

:::::::

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age Hitler committed suicide

:::::::

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

:::::::

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

:::::::

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession even to the grocery store, which was a few blocks from the house.

After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed: “Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age.”

:::::::

Did I like nut another to it send, do to better anything have doesn’t that person a like this reading time sweet your took you since.

Name… is wondering…. if money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Name… is poking my face and wondering what all the fuss is about!

Name… has had amnesia for as long as he can remember.

Name… is wondering where Noah kept the woodpeckers on the ark

Name… is somewhat sceptical you’re laughing out loud as much as you claim.

Name… has CDO. It’s like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order…like they should be.

Name… is suffering from amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Name… is retired. I was tired yesterday, and I’m tired again today.

Name… has used all his sick days so is going to phone in dead.

Name… dreams of a better world…where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned

Name… used to play sports. Then he realised you can buy trophies. Now he’s good at everything.

Name… says do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Name… is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?

Name… was bringing sexy back, but lost the receipt.

Name… thinks one good thing about Alzheimer’s is that you can hide your own Easter eggs!

Name… is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.

Name… just wants to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes CAN change your life!

Name… says practice safe lunch. Use a condiment!

Name… wonders why Noah didn’t kill the mosquitoes while there were only two.

Name… was wondering why the Frisbee kept getting bigger. Then it hit him.

Sitting in d exam hall holding d question paper
and
telling yourself-
.

.

.

.

.

Dude,don’t worry!,

Exams wil get postponed.!!

In a cricket match 1girl made,
Indian flag on her cheeks,

A “smart boy” came, Kissed her cheeks & said..
.

.

.

‘I love my india’

“WALK WHEN YOU TALK”! B-)
WHAT AN IDEA SIRJI.?:)
Keep smilililing. .

After marriage, husband and wife
become two sides of a coin;
they just can’t face each other,
but still they stay together.
Sacha Guitry

By all means marry.
If you get a good wife,
you’ll be happy.
If you get a bad one,
you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things,
and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous

The great question…
which I have not been able to answer… is,
What does a woman want?
Dumas

I had some words with my wife,
and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud

Some people ask the
secret of our long marriage.
We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner,
soft music and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.’
Anonymous

‘There’s a way of transferring
funds that is even faster than
electronic banking.
It’s called marriage.’
Sam Kinison

‘I’ve had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me,
and the second one didn’t.’
James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Patrick Murra

The most effective way to
remember your wife’s birthday
is to forget it once….
Nash

You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous

My wife and I were happy
for twenty years
Then we met.
Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives
her husband when she’s wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds:
‘Wife wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’
Second Guy: ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’
Anonymous

SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH……AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!

A bear, a lion and a pig meet.
Bear says: “if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear.”
Lion says: “if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me.”
Pig says: “big deal…. I only have to cough, and the entire planet lives in fear..”

“WALK WHEN YOU TALK”! B-)
WHAT AN IDEA SIRJI.?:)
Keep smilililing. .

Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.

Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.

UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.

Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombaytrain.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombaytrain.
Three Gujjus = Bombay’s noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.

Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.

Mumbaikar
One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Mumbaikars = film studio.
Three Mumbaikars = slum.
Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.

Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar.
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

Marwari
One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuff adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.
Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community.

Haryanvi
One Haryanavi = tube light
Two Haryanavi = agriculture
Three Haryannavi= Lathi squad
Four Haryanavi = actually just one was enough

GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me…

GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY: Sure, what’s your phone number??

GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY: Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple

GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY: Don’t you ever want to improve??

BOY: I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL: How soon??

BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN: You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN: Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN: NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : “….And are you sure you love me and no one else ?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.

2) Teacher : “Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?”
Pupil : “The moon”.
Teacher : “Why?”
Pupil : “The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don’t need it”.

3) Teacher : “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”
Pupil : “A teacher”.

4) Waiter : “Would you like your coffee black?”
Customer : “What other colors do you have ?”

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : “Sam, you talk a lot !”
Sam : “It’s a family tradition”.
Teacher : “What do you mean?”
Sam : “Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher”.
Teacher : “What about your mother?”
Sam : “She’s a woman”..

7) Tom : “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”
David: “You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance repeated”.

Teacher : “Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?”
Student : “Brotherly love”.

9) Teacher : “Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
Sam : “No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook”.

10) Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor : “One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died”.

11) Teacher : ” Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? ”
One Student : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.”

12) Teacher : ” George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ?”
One Student: ” Because George still had the axe in is hand.”

An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

One Chinese gymnast = India’s Gold Medal tally since 1896

Sushmita Sen – 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.

4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.

Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol..

Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum’s favorite serials.

Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan – Talent = Abhishek Bachchan

Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

1 person – shirt = Salman Khan

1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt

1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya Film

Reading mails all the time + no replies = Silence of the Lamb!

Software Engineer, Qualified Employee + No Work = Forwards

2.. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal! to kill them.

4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5.. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6.. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9.. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.

10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck- is-the-room- spinning medicine.

12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16.. Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!

17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18 . Procrastinate Now!

19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26.. Ham and eggs…A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27.. The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29.. I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.