Funny SMS & SMS Jokes

Hi Good News…. Be happy

Check NDTV news………………..below link

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Ha ha ah I made you April Fool!!!!

Still you are having hopes ?

April fool in Advance ……………..

Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He
gave
Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any
one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it….

Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from
NASA to SATYANASA

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I’m falling in love.

Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated…
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all
India
Radio!

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

_________________
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate
Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from
NASA to SATYANASA

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I’m falling in love.

Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated…
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all
India
Radio!

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

If Today Anyone
Talks & Praises
You For Your
1) Gud looks
2 ) Nature
3 ) Style
4 ) Attitude,

Kick Them Off.
How Dare They
FOOL U
Before
April 1st.

A neighbor who Nasruddin didn’t like very much came over to his compound one day.. The neighbor asked Nasruddin if he could borrow his donkey. Nasruddin not wanting to lend his donkey to the neighbor he didn’t like told him, “I would love to loan you my donkey but only yesterday my brother came from the next town to use it to carry his wheat to the mill to be grounded. The donkey sadly is not here.”

The neighbor was disappointed. But he thanked Nasruddin and began to walk away.

Just as he got a few steps away, Mullah Nasruddin’s donkey, which was in the back of his compound all the time, let out a big bray.

The neighbor turned to Nasruddin and said, “Mullah Sahib, I thought you told me that your donkey was not here.

Mullah Nasruddin turned to the neighbor and said, “My friend, who are you going to believe? Me or the donkey?

Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and started shouting: “Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya “.

Thakur [with anger]: “Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai.”

Kaalia: “Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?”

Thakur: “Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai.”

Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.

Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: “Ha ha… thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate.”

Veeru shouts: “Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain,Kuch bhi kar sakte hain.”

Jay hits his keyboard,then says: “jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya .”

AT GABBAR’S DEN…

Gabbar: “Kitne bugs the?”
Kaalia: “Do sarkaar.”

Gabbar: “Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega …aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi… barobar milegi.”

[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. “Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?”

Sambaa: “Chhey sarkaar.”

Gabbar: “Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai.” [logout - logout - logout].

“Haan ab theek hai… ab tera kya hoga”

Kaalia?”

Kaalia: “Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha.”
Gabbar: “To ab documentation kar!

1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

4. I’d like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

5. At least there’s one thing good about your body. It isn’t as ugly as your face!

6. Brains aren’t everything. In fact, in your case they’re nothing

7. Careful now, don’t let your brains go to your head!

8. I like you. People say I’ve no taste, but I like you.

9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

10. If I had a face like yours. I’d sue my parents!

11. Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

12. Don’t get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

13. Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent!

14. Don’t you love nature, despite what it did to you?

15. Don’t think, it may sprain your brain!

16. Fellows like you don’t grow from trees; they swing from them.

17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.

18. He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!

19. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in.

20. He is always lost in thought-it’s unfamiliar territory.

21. He is dark and handsome. When it’s dark, he’s handsome.

22. He is known as a miracle comic. if he’s funny, it’s a miracle!

23. He is listed in Who’s Who as What’s That?

24. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

25. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.

26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

27. How come you’re here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!

28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

29. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it’s empty.

30. How would you like to feel the way you look?

31. Hi! I’m a human being! What are you?

32. I can’t talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in the next 10 years?

33. I don’t want you to turn the other cheek; it’s just as ugly.

34. I don’t know who you are, but whatever you are, I’m sure everyone will agree with me.

35. I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

37. I can’t seem to remember your name, and please don’t help me!

38. I don’t even like the people you’re trying to imitate, if you are at all.

39. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?

40. I know you’re a self-made man. It’s nice of you to take the blame!

41. I know you’re not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

42. I’ve seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that’s very typical of you.

44. Do u practice being this ugly?

You were my everything,
My hearts only desire,
I knew you loved me too,
So my heart had nothing left to desire.

Everything was fine,
Just perfect the way it was,
Our love was very strong,
Till one day I made a mistake and fell out of love.

I don’t know how to say this,
It is so hard to explain,
The memories of the one I loved first,
Started to pour in.

That one did not love me back,
I was hurting within,
I don’t understand how I could still love him.

My heart began to ache,
I wished for only you,
Now my mind is changing,
What should I do?

My body grows weak, from all the confusion.
I hate the direction I’m going,
There doesn’t seem to be anything I can do.

I feel the pain either way,
Because I don’t have the love from the first one,
The love I have for the other isn’t true,
I am left to be tortured,
What is there left to do?

Gaalib ne apni GF ko Date par bulaya,
Wo late aayi to yeh sher sunaya :
Falak se sitaron ki baraat ja rahi hai,
Dusri ka time ho gaya tu a baa rahi hai…

Munna bhai sarkit se :
yaar sarkit mujhe ek nurse se pyar ho gaya hai, love letter me kya likhu ?
Sarkit: Simple hai bhai –
Dear Sister, I LOVE YOU,
Tumhara Munna Bhai…

Jisne humko chaha use hum chah na sake,
Jisko chaha use hum pa na sake,
Yeh samajh lo Dil tutne ka khel hai,
Kisi ka toda aur apna bacha na sake…

Mere pyar ki who had puchhte hai…
Dil me kitni jagah hai yeh puchhte hai…
Chahte hai hum unhi ko kyon itna,
Iski bhi who wajah puchhte hai…

“One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.” – Sophocles

“Attention is the most basic form of love; through it we bless and are blessed.” – John Tarrant

“We love because it’s the only true adventure.” – Nikki Giovanni

“Love is like quicksilver in the hand.Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.” – Dorothy Parker

“Love is friendship set on fire.” – unknown

“Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing.” – Goethe

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” – H.L. Mencken

“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it…It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more.” – Erica Jong

“Sometimes love is stronger than a man’s convictions. ” – Isaac Bashevis Singer

“Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

“Maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it.” – Robert Mitchum

“Love stretches your heart and makes you big inside.” – Margaret Walker

“Love has no awareness of merit or demerit; it has no scale… Love loves; this is its nature.” – Howard Thurman

“Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end.” – Anonymous

“Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

“Where love is, no room is too small.” – Talmud

“Loves makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” – Zora Neale Hurston

“Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” – Mark Twain

“Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.” – Nicholas Sparks

“To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.” – Karen Sunde

“A love song is just a caress set to music.” – Sigmund Romberg

“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.” – Peter Ustinov

“Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever.” – unknown

“Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.” – Erich Fromm

“In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man’s worth.” – Bill Wundram, Iowa Quad Cities Times

“Love doesn’t make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Elizabeth Browning

Khushiyan ho overflow
  Masti  kabhi na ho low
Tumhari  HOLI  ho ekdum number one
Aur tum karo whole lotta fun!!!

WOMEN ARE THE
POWER!!!!
POWER IS STRENGTH!!!!
WITHOUT THE POWER
NO STRENGTH IS USEFULL!!

ES SANSAAR KE SAGHAARKARTA” SHIV” BHI
“SHAKTI” KE BINA ADHOORE HAIN!!!!!
YE BAAT AAJ KE “INSAAN” KO SAMAJH
LENEE CHAAHIYE KI………. .
WITHOUT THE “WOMEN”
THEY ARE NOTHING!!!!! !!!

“YATRA NARYSTU POOJYANTE
RAMANTE TATRA DEVTA”
JAB KHUD DEWTAAON NE NAARI
KE SAAMNE SIR JHUKAYA
SAMMAAN DIYA
TO
AAJ KE ENSAAN ME ETNI
TAAQAT KYOON NAHI?????
KI WO NAARI KE SAMMAAN KI EZZAT
KAR SAKE
USE WO ADHIKAAR DE SAKE
JISKI WO HAQDAAR HAI.

CHAAHEN BACHPAN ME KHILONO KA BATWAARA HO YA PADHAAI PER KARCH KI BAAT
BETION KO AAJ BHI YE KYOON SAMJGA JATA HAI
KI UNHEH TO PARAAYE GHAR JANA HAI KYA FAAYDA?

HAR JAGAH CHAAHE PITA KA GHAR HO YA
FIR PATI KA AAJ BHI NAARI KO WO
DARZA NAHI MILA
JISKI WO HAQDAAR HAI…..

TO AAO AAJ HUM SABHEE MIL KAR EK
KOSHISH KARE AUR “AUART” KA
SAMMAAN KARNE KI PAHAL KAREN!!!!

ES KAAM KO KARNE KE LIYE KAHIN JANA NAHIN
PADEGA ESE GHAR SE, GALI SE ,MUHALLE SE,
SHAHAR KE RAASTON SE,SUBAH SHAAM HER SAFAR SE AUR SABSE BADEE APNEE
NAZAR SE HI SHUROO KAR SAKTE HAI..

NAZAR JISME AURAT KA SAMMAAN HO,
EZZAT HO,SHRDHDHA HO, AKEEDAT HO,
VISHWAAS HO , NAARI KE PRATI
SADBHAAWNA HO!!!!!!!!!! !

THIS IS MY REQUEST TO U ALL
ON THIS WOMEN DAY!!!

Send this to all your girl friends, ur mom and to your sister…..

“Fursat ke kuch lamhe nikal kar,
the kuch sapne sajaye maine,
Bedardo ki iss duniya se chun kar,
the kuch rishte apnaye maine,
Magar waqt ko raas na aayi wafa meri aur,
Ho gaye Paraye woh mujhse,
thhe kabhi jo apne banaye maine”

Three Examinations special

1) Special offer……. . Bring a chit on exam day, scratch and show it to your nearest teacher and win free trip to Principal’s office and enjoy 3 years vacation at home.

Hurry offer valid until exams only….

2) It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write our exam once (excluding supplementary) . Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees.

Say NO to EXAMS

3) Student’s declaration at the end of answer paper. It Reminds me of Disclaimer Notices!

“I hereby declare that answers written above r true 2 the best of mine & my friend’s knowledge & I claim no responsibility whatsoever 4 any mistakes. Whatever I have written is truly fictitious & any resemblance with the Subject Matter is purely Coincidental.”