Fri 30 May 2008
Mulla Nasrudin, as a candidate, was working the rural precincts and getting his fences mended and
votes lined up. On this particular day, he had his young son with him to mark down on index cards
whether the voter was for or against him. In this way, he could get an idea of how things were going.
As they were getting out of the car in front of one farmhouse, the farmer came out the front door with
a shotgun in his hand and screamed at the top of his voice, Ã¢â‚¬ÂI know you Ã¢â‚¬â€œ you dirty filthy crook of a
politician. You are no good. You ought to be put in jail. DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t you dare set foot inside that gate or IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll
blow your head off. Now, you get back in your car and get down the road before I lose my temper
and do something IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll be sorry for.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin did as he was told. A moment later he and his son were speeding down the road
away from that farm.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWell,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the boy to the Mulla, Ã¢â‚¬ÂI might as well tear that manÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s card up, hadnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t I?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂTEAR IT UP?Ã¢â‚¬Â cried Nasrudin. Ã¢â‚¬ÂCERTAINLY NOT. JUST MARK HIM DOWN AS DOUBTFUL.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin who prided himself on being something of a good Samaritan was passing an
apartment house in the small hours of the morning when he noticed a man leaning limply against
the door way.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhat is the matter,Ã¢â‚¬Â asked the Mulla, Ã¢â‚¬ÂDrunk?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂDo you live in this house?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂDo you want me to help you upstairs?Ã¢â‚¬Â
With much difficulty the Mulla half dragged, half carried the dropping figure up the stairway to the
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhat floor do you live on?Ã¢â‚¬Â asked the Mulla. Ã¢â‚¬ÂIs this it?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Rather than face an irate wife who might, perhaps take him for a companion more at fault than her
spouse, the Mulla opened the first door he came to and pushed the limp figure in.
The good Samaritan groped his way downstairs again.
As he was passing through the vestibule he was able to make out the dim outlines of another man,
apparently in a worse condition than the first one.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the matter?Ã¢â‚¬Â asked the Mulla. Ã¢â‚¬ÂAre you drunk too?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYep,Ã¢â‚¬Â was the feeble reply.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂDo you live in this house too?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂShall I help you upstairs?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin pushed, pulled, and carried him to the second floor, where this second man also
said he lived. The Mulla opened the same door and pushed him in.
But as he reached the front door, the Mulla discerned the shadow of a third man, evidently worse
off than either of the other two. Mulla Nasrudin was about to approach him when the object of his
solicitude lurched out into the street and threw himself into the arms of a passing policeman.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂOffÃ¢â‚¬â„¢shur! OffÃ¢â‚¬â„¢shur! For HeavenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s sake, OffÃ¢â‚¬â„¢shur,Ã¢â‚¬Â he gasped, Ã¢â‚¬Âprotect me from that man. He has
done nothing all night long but carry me upstairs and throw me down the elevator shaf.Ã¢â‚¬Â
The wife of Mulla Nasrudin told him that he had not been sufficiently explicit with the boss when he
asked for raise.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂTell him,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the wife, Ã¢â‚¬Âthat you have seven children, that you have a sick mother you have to sit
up with many nights, and that you have to wash dishes because you canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t afford a maid.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Several days later Mulla Nasrudin came home and announced he had been fired.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂTHE BOSS,Ã¢â‚¬Â explained Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂSAID I HAVE TOO MANY OUTSIDE ACTIVITIES.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂI knew an artist once who painted a cobweb on the ceiling so realistically that the maid spent hours
trying to get it down,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Mulla NasrudinÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s wife.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂSorry, Dear,Ã¢â‚¬Â replied Nasrudin. Ã¢â‚¬ÂI just donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t believe it.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhy not? Artists have been known to do such things.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYES.Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂBUT NOT MAIDS!Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂAnd now I want you boys to tell me who wrote Ã¢â‚¬â„¢HamletÃ¢â‚¬â„¢?Ã¢â‚¬Â asked the superintendent.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂP-p-please, Sir,Ã¢â‚¬Â replied a frightened boy, Ã¢â‚¬Âit Ã¢â‚¬â€œ it was not me.Ã¢â‚¬Â
That same evening the superintendent was talking to his host, Mulla Nasrudin. The superintendent
Ã¢â‚¬ÂA most amusing thing happened today. I was questioning the class over at the school, and I asked
a boy who wrote Ã¢â‚¬â„¢HamletÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ He answered tearfully, Ã¢â‚¬â„¢P-p-please, Sir, it Ã¢â‚¬â€œ it was not me!Ã¢â‚¬Â
After loud and prolonged laughter, Mulla Nasrudin said:
Ã¢â‚¬ÂTHATÃ¢â‚¬â„¢S PRETTY GOOD, AND I SUPPOSE THE LITTLE RASCAL HAD DONE IT ALL THE TIME!Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin was chatting with an acquaintance at a cocktail party.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhenever I see you,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Mulla, Ã¢â‚¬ÂI always think of Joe Wilson.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s funny,Ã¢â‚¬Â his acquaintance said, Ã¢â‚¬ÂI am not at all like Joe Wilson.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂOH, YES, YOU ARE,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin. Ã¢â‚¬ÂYOU BOTH OWE ME 100.
Once Mulla Nasrudin was asked what he considered to be a perfect audience.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂOh, to me,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬Âthe perfect audience is one that is well educated, highly intelligent Ã¢â‚¬â€œ
AND JUST A LITTLE BIT DRUNK.Ã¢â‚¬Â
One night Mulla Nasrudin came home to his wife with lipstick on his collar.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhere did you get that?Ã¢â‚¬Â she asked. Ã¢â‚¬ÂFrom my maid?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂNo,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Mulla.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂFrom my dressmaker?Ã¢â‚¬Â snapped his wife.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂNO,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin indignantly. Ã¢â‚¬ÂDONÃ¢â‚¬â„¢T YOU THINK I HAVE ANY FRIENDS OF MY OWN?Ã¢â‚¬Â
A man was seated at a lunch counter when a pretty girl, followed by young Mulla Nasrudin came in.
They took the only vacant stools, which happened to be on either side of the side. Wanting to be
gracious, he offered to change seats with Mulla Nasrudin so they might sit together.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂOh, thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not necessary,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Mulla.
But the man insisted, and they changed seats.
Mulla Nasrudin then said to the pretty girl, Ã¢â‚¬ÂSINCE THE SEATING ARRANGEMENTS SUIT THIS
POLITE GENTLEMAN, WE MIGHT AS WELL MAKE HIM REAL HAPPY AND GET ACQUAINTED.Ã¢â‚¬Â
A man at a seaside resort said to his new acquaintance, Mulla Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂI see two cocktails carried
to your room every morning, as if you had someone to drink with.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYES, SIR,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Mulla, Ã¢â‚¬ÂI DO. ONE COCKTAIL MAKES ME FEEL LIKE ANOTHER MAN, AND,
OF COURSE, I HAVE TO BUY A DRINK FOR THE OTHER MAN.Ã¢â‚¬Â
The wedding had begun, the bride was walking down the aisle. A lady whispered to Mulla Nasrudin
who was next to her, Ã¢â‚¬ÂCan you imagine, they have known each other only three weeks, and they are
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWELL,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Mulla Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂITÃ¢â‚¬â„¢S ONE WAY OF GETTING ACQUAINTED.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin and his two friends were discussing what they would do if they awoke one morning
to discover that they were millionaires.
The Spaniard friend said he would build a bull ring.
The American friend said he would go to Paris to have a good time.
And, Mulla Nasrudin said HE WOULD GO TO SLEEP AGAIN TO SEE IF HE COULD MAKE
A middle-aged woman lost her balance and fell out of a window into a garbage can. Mulla Nasrudin,
passing remarked: Ã¢â‚¬ÂAmericans are very wasteful. THAT WOMAN WAS GOOD FOR TEN YEARS
Mulla Nasrudin was told he would lose his phone if he did not retract what he had said to the General
Manager of the phone company in the course of a conversation over the wire.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂVery well, Mulla Nasrudin will apologize,Ã¢â‚¬Â he said.
He called Main 7777.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂIs that you, Mr. Doolittle?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂThis is Mulla Nasrudin.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂThis morning in the heat of discussion I told you to go to hell!Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWELL,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂDONÃ¢â‚¬â„¢T GO!Ã¢â‚¬Â
A political leader was visiting the mental hospital. Mulla Nasrudin sitting in the yard said, Ã¢â‚¬ÂYou are a
politician, are you not?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYes,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the leader. Ã¢â‚¬ÂI live just down the road.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂI used to be a politician myself once,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Mulla, Ã¢â‚¬Âbut now I am crazy. Have you ever been
Ã¢â‚¬ÂNo,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the politician as he started to go away.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWELL, YOU OUGHT TRY IT,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin Ã¢â‚¬ÂIT BEATS POLITICS ANY DAY.Ã¢â‚¬Â
The editor of the town weekly received this letter from Mulla Nasrudin:
Ã¢â‚¬ÂDear Sir: Last week I lost my watch which I valued highly. The next day I ran an ad in your paper.
Yesterday, I went home and found the watch in the pocket of my brown suit. YOUR PAPER IS
Mulla Nasrudin had been out speaking all day and returned home late at night, tired and weary.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂHow did your speeches go today?Ã¢â‚¬Â his wife asked.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂAll right, I guess,Ã¢â‚¬Â the Mulla said. Ã¢â‚¬ÂBut I am afraid some of the people in the audience didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t
understand some of the things I was saying.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWhat makes you think that?Ã¢â‚¬Â his wife asked.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂBECAUSE,Ã¢â‚¬Â whispered Mulla Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂI DONÃ¢â‚¬â„¢T UNDERSTAND THEM MYSELF.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin, a distraught father, visiting his son in a prison waiting room, turned on him and said:
Ã¢â‚¬ÂI am fed up with you. Look at your record: attempted robbery, attempted robbery, attempted
burglary, attempted murder. WHAT A FAILURE YOU HAVE TURNED OUT TO BE; YOU CANÃ¢â‚¬â„¢T
SUCCEED IN ANYTHING YOU TRY.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin and some of his friends pooled their money and bought a tavern. They immediately
closed it and began to paint and fix it up inside and out. A few days after all the repairs had been
completed and there was no sign of its opening, a thirsty crowd gathered outside. One of the crowd
yelled out, Ã¢â‚¬ÂSay, Nasrudin, when you gonna open up?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂOPEN UP? WE ARE NOT GOING TO OPEN UP,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Mulla. Ã¢â‚¬ÂWE BOUGHT THIS PLACE