Fri 30 May 2008
The boss was complaining to Mulla Nasrudin about his constant tardiness. Ã¢â‚¬ÂItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s funny,Ã¢â‚¬Â he said. Ã¢â‚¬ÂYou
are always late in the morning and you live right across the street. Now, Billy Wilson, who lives two
miles away, is always on time.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂThere is nothing funny about it,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂIF BILLY IS LATE IN THE MORNING, HE CAN HURRY, BUT IF I AM LATE, I AM HERE.Ã¢â‚¬Â
The boss told Mulla Nasrudin that if he could not get to work on time, he would be fired. So the Mulla
went to the doctor, who gave him a pill. The Mulla took the pill, slept well, and was awake before he
heard the alarm clock. He dressed and ate breakfast leisurely.
Later he strolled into the office, arriving half an hour before his boss. When the boss came in, the
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWell, I didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have any trouble getting up this morning.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂTHATÃ¢â‚¬â„¢S GOOD,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Mulla NasrudinÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s boss, Ã¢â‚¬ÂBUT WHERE WERE YOU YESTERDAY?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin had a house on the United States-Canadian border. No one knew whether the house
was in the United States or Canada. It was decided to appoint a committee to solve the problem.
After deciding it was in the United States, Mulla Nasrudin leaped with joy. Ã¢â‚¬ÂHURRAH!Ã¢â‚¬Â he shouted,
Ã¢â‚¬ÂNOW I DONÃ¢â‚¬â„¢T HAVE TO SUFFER FROM THOSE TERRIBLE CANADIAN WINTERS!Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂMulla,Ã¢â‚¬Â said a friend, Ã¢â‚¬ÂI have been reading all those reports about cigarettes. Do you really think
that cigarette smoking will shorten your days?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂI CERTAINLY DO,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Mulla Nasrudin. I TRIED TO STOP SMOKING LAST SUMMER AND EACH
OF MY DAYS SEEMED AS LONG AS A MONTH.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin had been pulled from the river in what the police suspected was a suicide attempt.
When they were questioning him at headquarters, he admitted that he had tried to kill himself. This
is the story he told:
Ã¢â‚¬ÂYes, I tried to kill myself. The world is against me and I wanted to end it all. I was determined
not to do a halfway job of it, so I bought a piece of rope, some matches, some kerosene, and a
pistol. Just in case none of those worked, I went down by the river. I threw the rope over a limb
hanging out over the water, tied that rope around my neck, poured kerosene all over myself and lit
that match. I jumped off the river and put that pistol to my head and pulled the trigger. And guess
what happened? I missed. The bullet hit the rope before I could hang myself and I fell in the river
and the water put out the fire before I could burn myself.
AND YOU KNOW, IF I HAD NOT BEEN A GOOD SWIMMER, I WOULD HAVE ENDED UP
DROWNING MY FOOL SELF.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin and his wife had just been fighting. The wife felt a bit ashamed and was standing
looking out of the window. Suddenly, something caught her attention.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂHoney,Ã¢â‚¬Â she called. Ã¢â‚¬ÂCome here, I want to show you something.Ã¢â‚¬Â
As the Mulla came to the window to see, she said. Ã¢â‚¬ÂLook at those two horses pulling that load of hay
up the hill. Why canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t we pull together like that, up the hill of life?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂTHE REASON WE CANÃ¢â‚¬â„¢T PULL UP THE HILL LIKE A COUPLE OF HORSES,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂIS
BECAUSE ONE OF US IS A JACKASS!Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin had finished his political speech and answering questions.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂOne question, Sir, if I may,Ã¢â‚¬Â said a man down front you ever drink alcoholic beverages?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂBEFORE I ANSWER THAT,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂIÃ¢â‚¬â„¢D LIKE TO KNOW IF ITÃ¢â‚¬â„¢S IN THE NATURE OF AN
INQUIRY OR AN INVITATION.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla NasrudinÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s wife was always after him to stop drinking. This time, she waved a newspaper in
his face and said, Ã¢â‚¬ÂHere is another powerful temperance moral.
Ã¢â‚¬â„¢Young Wilson got into a boat and shoved out into the river, and as he was intoxicated, he upset the
boat, fell into the river and was drowned.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ See, thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the way it is, if he had not drunk whisky he
would not have lost his life.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂLet me see,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Mulla. Ã¢â‚¬ÂHe fell into the river, didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t he?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s right,Ã¢â‚¬Â his wife said.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂHe didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t die until he fell in, is that right? Ã¢â‚¬Â he asked.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s true,Ã¢â‚¬Â his wife said.
Ã¢â‚¬ÂTHEN IT WAS THE WATER THAT KILLED HIM,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin, Ã¢â‚¬ÂNOT WHISKY.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin stormed into the Postmaster GeneralÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s office and shouted, Ã¢â‚¬ÂI am being pestered by
threatening letters, and I want somebody to do something about it.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂI am sure we can help,Ã¢â‚¬Â said the Postmaster General. Ã¢â‚¬ÂThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a federal offence. Do you have any
idea who is sending you these letters?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂI CERTAINLY DO,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin. Ã¢â‚¬ÂITÃ¢â‚¬â„¢S THOSE INCOME TAX PEOPLE.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Mulla Nasrudin let out a burst of profanity which shocked a lady social worker who was passing by.
She looked at him critically and said: Ã¢â‚¬ÂMy, where did you learn such awful language?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬ÂWHERE DID I LEARN IT?Ã¢â‚¬Â said Nasrudin. Ã¢â‚¬ÂLADY, I DIDNÃ¢â‚¬â„¢T LEARN IT, ITÃ¢â‚¬â„¢S A GIFT.Ã¢â‚¬Â